My son is playing in a 3rd grade Catholic youth league. His coach was a good player in high school and played Division II ball. The season started off well, and the practices were focused on developing fundamentals. However, as game day approached the practices turned into scrimmages where the 5 "starters" played the predominate number of minutes.

Things got really troubling when actual games started; the coach became noticeably tense on the bench. From the first game on, he prowls the sidelines, screaming at the players constantly. And when I say screaming, its not shouts of encouragement. Its red faced, scowling, face contorted screaming in anger. This weekend, he took it up a notch by taking his hat off and slamming it to the ground, loudly slapping the wall next to the bench, stomping, slapping his leg, and finally throwing up his hands and turning his back on the kids in the final minute of the game.

Some of the parents in the stands were actually pointing at the guy and laughing. Other parents began talking among themselves and making excuses for him like "well,,,its so difficult dealing with kids....poor guy."

I was appalled and am looking for some guidance here. Surely this is not acceptable? Throwing things and hitting walls are considered the warning signs of an abusive person...not physically necessarily but of someone who uses anger and intimidation to gain control. And I guess I am looking for guidance as to what my course of action should be. I feel I should confront him in a controlled way, tell him I am disappointed in his behavior, and ask him to act with some dignity around not only my kid, but all the other children also.

My two cents. All of us at some point have good coaches, bad coaches, nice coaches, mean coaches, winning teams, losing teams, etc. Regardless, you learn lessons from it. Win or lose there are lessons to learn. Good coaching or bad coaching, there are lessons to learn from it.

I would most likely let the season run it's course and be as encouraging as I can. Then when season is over I would find another team and coach for next year. I might also send the coach some articles like this in hopes that maybe he sees the error in his ways.
http://www.breakthroughbasketball.com/coaching/wooden-role-model.html
http://www.breakthroughbasketball.com/blog/index.php/how-do-you-always-keep-a-positive-attitude-as-a-coach/

You can certainly try to talk with the coach but I'll tell you coaches can get very defensive when they even get just small sense that someone is being critical of their coaching.

Now if it was really bad and I thought it was scarring my child for life I would obviously remove him/her from the situation.

3rd graders and he is acting like that??? You have to be kidding me! These are 7 year old kids... not the PROS!

This is supposed to be all about fundamentals and FUN! Winning at this age is NOT the most important thing here.

I like Jeff's ideas... but this guy is out of control.... I would talk to your son and ask him what his thoughts are... is he scared, nervous, upset etc. ?? Is he ok with all of this? IF NOT, remove him from the team... no reason he should have to put up with that abusive behavior.

Jeff is right, IF you try and approach him he will probably beomce more upset Have you tried whoever is in charge of the CYO league? The refs? I don't care how good a high school player he is, or whether or not he played college ball.... he needs a coaching class and maybe an anger management one was well. Being a good player doesn't mean that you can coach or work with kids.

Let me ask you this - IF this was a classroom teacher, would you stand for this behavior for one minute? I don't think so. Listen to your gut and go from there.

IF this was my son, he would be off that team yesterday. JMO

My take: this coach is WAY out of control, especially when you put this in the proper context. We're talking about 8 yr olds and a basketball game. I see enough of it at the 8th grade level to make my stomach turn. There's no justification for it at any level, imo, but especially with the younger kids who are still learning to walk and chew gum at the same time.

My solution back when I had a similar situation was to enlist the help of the league director. I had a private conversation with the league director, briefly addressed my concerns and asked him to keep it private. I also asked if he could stop by our next game to watch. It didn't take long for the league director to get the gist of what was going on. He had a talk with the coach and the problem was solved for the most part.

good idea to talk with league admin . That's probably the best place to start .

Thank you all for the advice and guidance. I have submitted emails to the league administrators and I am awaiting their reply. One of the things that baffles me - mention of coaches and their egos. At the third grade level? Seriously? A bit of background - I played division I sports (not basketball) and was a paid coach in my field that had over 2 dozen kids go on to play in college. How anyone could develop an ego about coaching a church league team is beyond my comprehension.

Again, thank you for your sage advice. I hope some good comes of this - not just for my child but all the other kids that this guy will "coach" in the future.

Good luck with this, I hope things work out for you, the kids and the league.

Come on. That's not out of control. This is out of control:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jc2ESr43PY

I think you on the right direction with the administrators. Good luck.

Oh, it happens and all too frequently. I think there's a misconception that if you've played sports in high school or college, you're qualified to coach youth sports. How hard can it be after all? You played college ball and these are just 3rd graders. Having a working knowledge of the sport you’re coaching is important, but how you convey that knowledge is the more important factor, especially at the younger levels.

Coach Sar mentions this in almost every post, it’s about FUN. You can have FUN and still teach skills, stay competitive, and challenge the kids. We only had 5 players this weekend and were playing a double-header. Keep in mind we're playing in an extremely competitive division. The first game was tight and one of my guards made a bad pass which resulted in a turnover. As he was coming back down the court I yelled, "Kyle! Don't make me pull you!", he smiled, knowing full well I had no subs. We ended up winning that game by one point.

Nice video golfman. It's a good thing that chair was lightweight.

Coach Rob -

You are absolutely right... IF you cant have FUN, why play? Its a game and games are supposed to be FUN!!!

You and I are pretty much on the same page on every subject here... so be careful, I don't like mind readers! :-) LOL