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PostPosted: 27 Jan 2015, 20:53 

Posts: 2
Hi, Coach, I suppose I am one of THOSE parents that you are talking about. I had a meeting with the coach and principal of our middle school because not only was the assistant coach (who was a parent of one of the players who played the same guard position as my daughter) continuously stopping practice to point out my daughter's mistakes (while quietly correcting his own daughter) but his daughter has started the whole season and plays almost the whole time while my daughter is mostly sitting on the bench. My daughter plays about one fourth the time of his but all my daughter's stats are much, much better: points scored, assists, steals, getting the ball to the post. If my daughter got to play as much as her, points scored for the season would be 92 to 9. And it's like that with all stats. Of course, I am going to complain. The rest of the parents and kids are also complaining (but behind the coach's back). They said their kids do better when my daughter is in the game so they are mad. What am I to do? Coach says she's the final decision maker, she looks at the "overall" picture and it's the "little stuff." What about the big stuff like getting points for the team?! What am I supposed to do? I think it can go both ways.

PostPosted: 28 Jan 2015, 07:03 
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Posts: 1235
I'm not sure there's anything you can do other than try to teach your daughter and these experiences as life lessons. Here are some ideas for her:

If you complain too much, it can have a negative impact on how the coaches in the program view you and your daughter. So you have to be very professional about how things are handled.

I think your daughter should apply some of those things in the article (like talking to the coach and asking what she can do to improve and reach her goals of getting more playing time).

Maybe your daughter will discover it is because she isn't playing defense the way the coach wants. I have personally coached players that seem like they are really good (great scorers) but they don't play defense the way I want them to and/or don't run the offense they way it is supposed to be run (this can be disruptive). I would not expect a parent to understand these intricacies of our defense and offense. I see things very different than the parents watching the games. I'm sure they think I am an idiot for sitting certain players on the bench. This is just food for thought as I have absolutely no idea what is happening in your situation.

I know this can be tough to deal with. But I promise there are lots of learning opportunities from this situation. Sometimes getting cut from a team or not reaching your goals (failing a little bit), is the best way to learn and grow as a person. And the bottom line is neither of your can control the coach. So I recommend focusing on the things you can control (how much you hustle, how much you practice, your effort, your attitude, kindness, being a good teammate, etc).

Jeff Haefner

PostPosted: 28 Jan 2015, 08:53 

Posts: 214
One thing I would like to caution you about is comparing your daughter's stats to the stats of players that play more than her because you're looking at different sample sizes.

For instance, let's say player A shoots 2-2 in the game, with 3 rebounds, and zero turnovers and zero fouls. Player B shoots 1-6, 4 rebounds and has 4 turnovers and 3 fouls.

On the surface everybody here probably wants Player A. But let's then consider that Player A only played 8 minutes and Player B played 20 minutes. It's fair to deduce that Player B's "poor" looking stats can be attributable to playing more minutes, thus having more chances to "fail". I see this happen a lot. Parents see their kids play a short period of time, hit a shot, grab a rebound, but otherwise not touch the ball. Then they see the starters come back in the game, play a long stretch and turn the ball over a couple times or make a couple bad decisions. It's going to happen when you're playing longer minutes and touching the ball more.

I'm not saying this is the case for you, but I wanted to put this out as a word of caution.

PostPosted: 28 Jan 2015, 08:57 

Posts: 214
Also, I agree with Coach Jeff. Sometimes there are certain intricate details that go into a coach's decision. Maybe a bench player grabs more defensive rebounds than a starter. Parents and fans see this as that bench player outplaying the starter. But maybe the coach sees things in a different light. Maybe the bench player was not guarding her player and just hanging out in the paint. Shot goes up, she's already there for the rebound. Or maybe she scores a couple baskets, but she's not playing within the team offense and she's missing wide open teammates or not running a certain set because she's trying to do her own thing.

PostPosted: 28 Jan 2015, 12:59 

Posts: 899
My first thought is what does your daughter think about all of this? Is she getting bummed about not having as much playing time? Did you ask for more clarification on the "little things"?

Playing time is probably the number one issue with parents. I don't know one parent that hasn't tracked the time in their head during games, myself included (when my son was playing on teams I wasn't coaching). I also watched parents comment on why player X didn't get pulled for making errors, but they pulled player Y who appeared to be playing better than player X. I found myself mulling this over watching my son play which was tough being a coach in the stands. "If I was the coach I would have...". As obvious as the choice might have been (to me), I wasn't coaching and had to let it roll.

In your situation, let's say there is some bias going on with the assist coach's daughter. It sounds like you've done all you can by going to the coach and principal at this point. On the other hand, if there isn't anything blatant going on with the assist coach's daughter like massive turnovers, shooting 0-10, lots of fouls, etc. that is a tougher situation. Even if other parents see the same thing as you, we're talking about playing time and not a more serious issue like an abusive coach.

It could be one of those "life is unfair" deals and you have roll with it. When my son was on other teams, I encouraged him to ask the coach what he could do to improve. If your daughter asks the coach on her own what she can do to improve and then practices those things, it doesn't guarantee more playing time, however, it teaches her about dealing with situations like these and gives her a practical shot at more playing time.


PostPosted: 29 Jan 2015, 12:13 

Posts: 2
Hi, Coaches, I really appreciate the sincere feedback. Regarding, defense, one of other assistant coaches told me my daughter has the best defense on the team. There are no offensive plays other than get the ball to the post, which my daughter could do well (that's why posts preferred her). The other girl only started passing to the post in the last game after she missed all five of her shots and one of the posts yelled at her during a timeout in the 4th. Why wouldn't the coach or her dad tell her? Regarding how my daughter compares playing over a longer period, another starter was out one game so my daughter got to start and play much of the game alongside the girl in question. It was VERY evident who was better. That probably was the night after which most of the parents started grumbling and getting very annoyed, especially post parents bc their girls scored more bc my daughter was able to pass to them. But I believe if you get lemons, make lemonade. Early in the season when we realized my daughter wasn't going to get much playing time, we got a trainer for her. An incredible one! If we weren't in this situation we probably never would have. In the last game, we played against the best team probably in our state. My daughter was the only one on the team who was able to go down the court without getting the ball taken away. I credit her amazing trainer. She's learning a tough lesson early in life. Sometimes you have to be not better than the favorite , but way better. She's working on getting way better by summer tryouts. I will keep you updated. Thanks again for the perspectives.

PostPosted: 28 Feb 2015, 11:27 

Posts: 176
I am a little late to the party, but having been thru this here's my advice -- gouge your eyes out. It's less painful than watching this kind of "basketball." :)

Know that you are not alone. My kid has experienced it all -- good and bad. He just finished being on a team where the coaches didn't want kids to shoot from outside. They would get benched. The team lost a lot of games because they couldn't score. Finally, when my kid decided it just didn't matter any more, he got in and played his game. He hit two quick 3's to put the team up and added a bunch of assists plus a few rebounds. What where the coaches to do?

Here is what I have learned. First, until you get to the HS varsity level the "coaching" is suspect at best (and this can be true at the varsity level as well). It is even more suspect for girls teams. Schools usually have a preference for hiring within, so most coaches are teachers of some sort who mean well but may have little basketball experience. They probably coach other sports as well. So they are probably not experts at coaching their sports.

Then we as a society have been brought up to defer to the coach's judgment. And then when questioned they look at the "big picture" and the "little things." Coaches become insulated. The problem is that ESPN and the internet have changed things. Players and parents are much more knowledgeable these days. Bo Ryan and Wisconsin are hot right now. A quick google search will give you pages of Bo's basketball ideas and you can go from there. Heck you can tons of info right here. I am almost 50 and have a 25 year head start on my kid's coaches. That is 25 years of playing, watching. and learning the game.

So the bottom line is you can't fool the parents and more importantly you can't fool the kids. The kids know who the players are. All your kid can really do is keep working and when given the chance play her butt off. I use the phrase - "LEAVE NO DOUBT!"

PostPosted: 02 May 2016, 14:28 

Posts: 62
This is a tough one. None of us want our children to be slighted as it sounds your daughter is. I don't understand why grown ups don't see this. Why would a player's parent have to bring this to the coach's attention. Why can't the coach see this herself? Sad to be an oblivious person. When you are dealing with children, I think you should be as fair as possible. What a lesson she is teaching her daughter! Not good.

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