My wife teaches 7th grade.

Last week one of her students was telling her about her weekend basketball tournament.

“My dad said if I scored 20 points he would give me money.”

I don’t know about you, but I cringe when I hear something like that.

While most parents (hopefully) aren’t paying their child based on their stats, many are doing something almost as harmful. . . keeping individual stats and focusing on them.

If that’s you, stop now before it’s too late!

Why Focusing On Scoring Misses The Point

Let’s get this out of the way first. . . when we talk about parents focusing on stats, that almost always means points.

Think about the first 2 questions most players are asked after a game:

• How many points did you score?

• Did you win?

Often, that’s the order they are asked.

Why is that a big deal? Isn’t it okay to want to see your child score?

Yes, it’s okay to hope for that. But when you start keeping stats on it and sharing them with your child, it becomes an issue.

The goal of the game is to win. Every player’s focus should be on doing whatever it takes to help the team be successful.

For a few players, that is scoring. For most, it’s fulfilling other valuable roles.

When you make scoring your focus, you detract from their ability to focus on winning.

You also send a mixed message. What’s more important - their points or the outcome? If they believe it’s the former, you risk creating a selfish player.

Why Even Non Scoring Stats Hurt Your Child

Some of you might be saying, “I don’t track points. I track rebounds, assists, or some other statistic. What’s the harm in that?”

I would acknowledge tracking those stats are better than tracking and focusing on points.

But I’d push back that there’s no harm.

Anything that takes the focus away from the team is detrimental. What you stat shows what you care about. One of the things your child cares about is your approval. If they feel that’s attached to their performance, that’s a two-fold problem:

• In the small picture, it’s a problem because they may feel torn between playing to get your approval and playing to win.

• In the big picture, it’s a problem because they start to feel your love and affection is tied to performance.

Performance Metrics that Matter More Than Points

So, does individual performance matter?

Of course it does. But I would argue traditional stats aren’t the best barometer of that.

Instead, try focusing on things like:

• Effort - did they play their hardest?

• Resilience - how did they bounce back from mistakes?

• Teamwork - were they supportive of their teammates?

• Coachability - did they listen and respond to coaching?

I realize it’s challenging to focus on those things because you CAN’T stat them. But when you think about it, almost all of the truly important things in life are impossible to capture in a number.

Why should basketball be any different?

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“Lies, Da*%ed Lies and Statistics” – Why Mark Twain’s Quote Applies to Basketball

Author Mark Twain famously said, “There are lies, da*%ed lies, and statistics.”

While I don’t think he ever coached sports, he makes a point we would all do well to remember.

Your child’s value and contribution to their team cannot be defined by a number. When your actions demonstrate that you know that, theirs will, too. And that will make your child both a happier & better player!

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