When You Should Speak Up For Your Child

By Jeff Huber

Helicopter parent. Snowplow parent. Tiger mom. Crazy sports parent. We've all heard the terms. None of them have a positive connotation.

Most of us try not to be any of those people. We love our kids and want them to succeed. But we also know that struggle is a part of life. If we take that struggle from them now, they'll never be prepared for it as adults.

This leads to some of our hardest parenting moments. Those times when you desperately want to step in and help your child, but don't.

Sports create a lot of those situations. Very rarely does a season come and go without you feeling some sort of frustration. The question becomes - what, if anything, should you do about it?

Last time, we covered 3 situations in which you shouldn't do anything (with a couple caveats).

Today, let's flip the script!

3 Times When You SHOULD Approach Your Child's Coach

  1. If something abusive is going on - this is an extreme situation, but it's one that needs to be addressed. Unfortunately, we hear all too many stories of coaches who emotionally, psychologically, sexually, or even physically abuse players.
  2. Who and how you approach this situation will depend on what's going on. If there is some sort of physical or sexual abuse, you should not only go to the coach but also to the school or organization that the team is a part of. Involving law enforcement also would be appropriate.

    More common than those forms of abuse are emotional and psychological. The challenge here is accurately determining what's going on. If a coach yells at your child, is that emotional abuse? Probably not, but it would depend on what was said.

    If you are concerned that emotional or psychological abuse is going on, talk through it with your child first. Take detailed notes on their experience. Sometimes what a coach says and what a child hears can be two different things. The more information you have, the more prepared you are to talk to the coach.

  3. When something outside of sports is affecting your child - contrary to the slogan, ball is not life.
  4. As much as we'd like to think our child can compartmentalize and focus on basketball during practice and games, that might not be realistic.

    If there are situations going on at home, school, or socially, that are affecting your child in a negative way, it might be helpful to talk to the coach.

    Certainly, there are some situations that require privacy. In that case, you might just tell the coach that something is going on. This lets them know to keep an eye on your child, even if they don't know exactly what's going on.

    You could also share the situation with them confidentially. If you trust the character of the coach, this is a good way to go. They might be better prepared to help if they have some idea of what's going on.

    Life can be hard. It's important for our children to know they don't have to go through it alone. Of course, you are there for them. Enlist their coach as well. Most will be concerned and more than willing to help.

  5. To share gratitude - one reason coaches are on edge around parents is because parents almost exclusively contact coaches with complaints. That said, it doesn't have to be that way!
  6. There are so many wonderful coaches out there. If your child is lucky enough to play for one, make sure and thank that person. And don't wait until the end of the season.

    Send them a quick note or email expressing your gratitude for something they did for your child. You have no idea how good that will make them feel. (It will make you feel good, too).

    We all need encouragement. Coaching can sometimes feel like a thankless job. Too often, it's the loud minority of malcontents that drown out the silent majority who support. Make your support known!

Keep "Mama Bear" In The Den

We've now established there are times when it's appropriate to talk to your child's coach.

If it's one of the negative reasons, you might be tempted to go in guns blazing.

In the words of Lee Corso, "Not so fast, my friend."

How you approach the coach will go a long way towards determining the productivity of your conversation.

That's where we'll pick up next time!



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