Parents - Is Your Body Language Sabotaging Your Child's Confidence?
Arkansas Men's Basketball Coach, John Calipari, says, "Body language doesn't whisper, it screams."
If you've watched much sports, you know this to be true.
Seeing athletes hang their heads, slump their shoulders, or turn away from teammates is a huge putoff.
In fact, you may have talked to your child about the importance of good body language. A lot of young athletes have bad body language without even knowing it.
Making them aware of this is a good thing. Even if they don't mean anything by it, it sends a bad message to their teammates, coaches, and spectators.
And yet... have you thought about your body language? If you haven't, should you?
Why Your Child Keeps Looking at You During Games (And How to Stop It)
Some kids are always looking up in the stands at you. If that is your kid, stop and ask yourself how you got to this point. That's a learned behavior, and they learned it from you.
Is it going to help your child play better to be looking at you during the game? Shouldn't they be interacting with and focusing on their teammates and coaches?
Why do players look in the stands? For approval. I can't tell you how many times I see kids look at their parents and their parent gives them some signal back. It could be positive (a fist pump) or negative (a shaking of the head).
Neither is helpful. It might surprise you to hear that even positive reinforcement isn't helpful. Why do I say that? For a couple reasons:
- As mentioned before, when they are looking at you, they aren't focused on playing.
- When they count on getting positive feedback from you, the absence of that will be construed as negative. So if they look at you and get no response, they will learn to interpret that as negative feedback.
Your Child Is Watching: The Unseen Impact of Your Game Behavior
There's a great poem called "A Little Fellow Follows Me." It starts like this:
"A careful man I want to be -
A little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
For fear he'll go the self-same way.
I cannot once escape his eyes.
Whatever he sees me do he tries."
The entire poem is a humbling reminder of the importance our example sets for our kids. But for our purposes today, let's look at the second last line - "I cannot once escape his eyes."
We've already covered scenarios where you are knowingly using body language with your child during games.
What about when you do it unknowingly?
Do you hang your head when your child misses an open shot? Do you throw your hands up when you think the ref misses a call? Do you show anger if a teammate doesn't pass to your child when they're open?
If so, your child is almost assuredly noticing that. Even if they aren't the kid who's looking in the stands for approval, they know where you're sitting, and they're aware of how you're acting.
I can guarantee you a couple things about this:
- There's a good chance you're embarrassing them.
- If they're not embarrassed, they're likely to believe that what you're doing is an example for them to follow.
Are either of those outcomes you want for your child? I'd guess not.
Why Lady Gaga Would Be A Good Sports Parent
Lady Gaga is famous for many songs, one of which is "Poker Face."
If I were to make a recommendation, that's how I'd suggest you watch your child's games.
Undoubtedly, you should eliminate negative body language. I'd even be careful signaling my child with positive body language, for reasons mentioned above.
Of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't cheer. You should cheer - not just for your child, but for all the players.
But beyond that, less is more. When you are stoic, you remove a distraction for your child.
When you remove that distraction, they are able to devote more attention to the game.
And when that happens, you both get what you want - better performance!
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