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PostPosted: 11 Feb 2010, 19:34 

Posts: 22
Hi everyone,

My 13 yr. old daughter has been playing competitive basketball for the past 2 yrs. now. She's a very good defensive player and developing well as an offensive player. She's willing to work very hard at improving. BTW, we're not big sissies in case your wondering. LOL
I'm feeling very frustrated with her coach's approach to coaching and correcting her. He's all over her in a way he's not with other players. His tone is more harsh and she seems to lose playing time even when other players don't for the same mistakes. I've tried my best to remain objective to see if maybe I was just being sensitive but this long into the season I'm now certain it's not just in my head.
I've approached him in a very respectful manner on more than one occasion to ask him if he would discuss with me where he was coming from and why he was choosing to handle things the way he does. His answer was because she could handle it. I know she's tough but it's bugging her. I've encouraged her to speak with him herself but she doesn't want to.
Should I just leave things alone or what?


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PostPosted: 11 Feb 2010, 22:11 
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Hi there -

This is a tough issue... but that coach needs to understand that she is still 13. (7th - 8th grader?) As coaches sometimes we are harder on the better players, its just part of the gig. As long as he is NOT abusive - there is NO place in the game for that type of person... not today!
Is she really losing playing time or is he just subbing in other players? Part of the rules he has to abide by??? Having your daughter talk to the coach is a great idea.... she really doesn't have to confront him about being too harsh... maybe more like... "what do I need to do to get better?" That way she can open the lines of communication and hopefully things will improve that way.
IF I were you, I would encourage your daughter to talk to him... and sit back and see how things go..... NOW, if he gets abusive... then you might have to step in FOR HER. Is there an assistant coach that works with him? IF so, maybe you can talk to him and see if he can encourage your daughter a little bit.
We aren't there so its hard come up with something concrete, but at least you have some of my ideas.

GOOD LUCK!


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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2010, 06:57 

Posts: 22
Hi Coach-

I realize it would have been to long an issue to discuss in a single post, but I do appreciate your feedback. It's sound. Nice to get it off my chest too. I always try to put things to her in a way that she can learn and grow from them, even when things don't seem to be "going her way", so to speak. She's grade 7. We'll see where things go from here.


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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2010, 07:16 
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Hi-

I was thinking about this after I made that last post.... Does the coach treat all the players this way? OR is it just your daughter?

As a coach I know I didn't treat all my players the same way, the tougher ones and the more talented they were the harder I was on them.... BUT I also encouraged and applauded the good things they did.

I remember one kid, he was 19 year old senior and I was a little hard on him during one game on the sideline.. I saw tears... wow... I stopped and said... " let me put that a little differently " we both laughed. Made me stop and think about how I was treating some kids.. there is that fine line where you push them hard to be the best they can be and crushing them.... we never want to go that far.
As a 7th grader she is young and very impressionable.. hopefully the coach compliments them as well. Good luck, let us know how this goes. (by the way, it's ALWAYS good to vent once in awhile) :-)


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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2010, 08:07 

Posts: 22
Hey coach,
My daughter plays for a league at the moment. I'm afraid our group is a little "clicky". Things can get a little tense and from my point of view( not just mine), the girls pick up on this. I also think he seems to like to play his daughter in the most favorable light. As a 1st yr bantam player, she came out strong, defensively and offensively. She made some mistakes along the way, phisically and mentally but knows this and wants to improve. My honest opinion is that I see him adressing issues differently with other players, even applauding them for trying but looks like he's gonna blow a gasket when my kid does the same thing. It doesn't leave a good feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think he focuses more on her mistakes than anyone else on the team. I'm worried she's become a bit of the team scapegoat. I actually told her I'd support her if she wanted to leave but she told me she wasn't a quitter.
I hope this post delivers my message accurately. I'm trying to see the glass half full but can't help but notice all this other stuff going on. Thanks again for your reply.


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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2010, 08:19 
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I like the idea that she is NOT a quitter... that says a lot about her!

This is not a school team then... so he is a volunteer coach and a parent at that. Parents that coach can be somewhat of a problem... two ways, either too hard or favors them.. not an easy thing to do...

Coaches that do this for a living think about a few things... how to make each player better (fundamentally etc) getting them to play like a TEAM and then winning games. (notice the order)

How do the rest of the parents feel? Other fans? Other coaches?
You might look into your daughter playing for a school team where the coaches have training working with kids.. in and out of the classroom.

Lastly, your daughter should have some goals... like playing for her high school team and THIS team is just a bump in the road... but a necessary thing to go through just to achieve that goal.


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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2010, 09:39 

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Thanks again coach. I too admire her for wanting to stick it out. I hope things go better on school team.
P.s. Really enjoy website!


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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2010, 09:42 
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Thank Jeff & Joe for the site.. its great for coaches, parents and players alike.


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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2010, 10:10 

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oops-Thank you Joe and Jeff :)


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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2010, 10:48 
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You're welcome. :) Glad it helps.

We're lucky to have some great coaches on here!

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Jeff Haefner
http://www.BreakthroughBasketball.com


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