I am a coach as well as a parent. I recently this year stepped away from coaching my daughter because I felt she would develop better by playing under someone else for a couple of years, she just finished her 5th grade year. The background of my daughter is she has won multiple shooting and skills competitions including co-ed and shoots from the field around 45% and from the line around 70%, she has a good basketball IQ and works hard to get better, she is lifting weights and running in open gym with a Varsity and JV squad from another school and doing well. The problem is when she plays with her school team the coach has a personal thing for me because I quit coaching the team and discontinued my full involvement running all the travel club operations to focus on my personal coaching career for awhile. The problem is during several games he has told her NOT to shoot, she only gets 2 to 3 minutes a game in some games depending on score if they are loosing or close she plays- last weekend she was 9 for 10 from the field and had 10 assist and she play alot of minutes because they needed the game for seeding for the tournament. I need help and advise on how to deal with this situation, is it development of other players, or personal vengeance I really do not know I just feel if she is not going to play at least half the game I should move her ,I am afraid she is going to get frustrated and quit. I try to encourage her and explain it that she has a job to do if it 2 min. or 20 min. to focus on what she has to do to help help team, but she is 11

How does your daughter feel about this? Is she strong enough to talk to the coach herself? Asking him what she has to do get more playing time in games and why he doesn't want her to shoot in some games while shooting in others?

Would it be better for you to talk to him and ask him his reasoning for only playing your daughter for 2-3 minutes and telling her NOT to shoot the ball? What is his philosophy regarding this?

This is not going to be an easy situation, as you know, most coaches don't take kindly to parents questioning them about certain situations so you will have to tread lightly here. It IS hard to understand why he is doing this, especially when he plays her more in some games and obviously encourages her to shoot - AND she does well.

IF this is a problem between you and the coach, it might be better to move her to another team. The other side of the coin is your daughter learning how to play through adversity.... because she WILL run into situations during her playing career that she will not like.

If I were you I would sit down with your daughter and find out what he thoughts are, you certainly DONT want her to quit..... unless YOU feel that this is detrimental to her growth. She is 11 and its a game, she is supposed to be having FUN. IF she is NOT having fun and is visibly upset, then both of you will have to make a decision. How does he treat your daughter other than the playing time / shooting situation?

Thanks Coach, I recently approached him AGAIN in regards to playing time and asked if there is something she needs to work on, or is it her practice habits that is costing her and he replied no I lost her in the rotation?????? I also have spoke with my daughter and she has physically cried because she doesn't understand there are kids who get in trouble in practice and don't show for practice, who doesn't practice hard and yet they start and play more minutes. This is a first year coach and sometimes I really believe it may be personal with me because when I go to practice to watch he looks at me a lot when he is instructing the girls as if he wants my approval on what he is saying to them. He doesn't treat her bad on a personal level, he always in nice to her and she likes him personally I am puzzled, I run the clock for them if needed and try to still help in little ways other than coaching. I have spoke with the Varsity coach and explained the situation to him and told him about the development issue's of players in the lower levels he said he would go to the practices and watch games however he has not. I just do not want my daughter to get the wrath of politics. I will add she played a lot yesterday it was the Tournament and they won it. I am confused at this point and she just wants to play, if she plays she loves it, if she doesn't play she hates it, am I over reacting here? I want to make the correct decision and want to give her solid advise on how to handle it.

How many more games to their season? Is this the only year that she is going to have him as a coach?

You say that he is a first year coach, he WILL make a lot of mistakes, it goes with the territory. The game is a learning process for everybody, coaches/ players and parents alike. Remember, he is a volunteer, NOT a professional coach, I would imagine that the refs are not the best also, but they all try to do their best.

Your daughter is going to run into other coaches that she might not agree with the way they handle things. I'm not there seeing this but I think I would advise her to play hard, (do the best she can) and have FUN. At 11 its not all about winning.... even though every kid wants to win... sometimes its the parents that want to win more than the players.

Encourage your daughter to continue playing, try to get her to be a leader, even when she is sitting on the bench. Cheer for everyone on the team and help them if she can. This age group is more about teaching everyone the game and giving every player some playing time while having some FUN..

JMO