Your questions reveal your priorities.

I often think about this when I talk to my players about the questions they are asked after games.

The top 3 responses, in order of frequency:

1. How many points did you score?
2. How much did you play?
3. Did you win?

What do those questions suggest about what is important?

Individual accomplishments (as defined only through the lens of scoring)

Winning (which is important but maybe not the most important thing).

When players hear those questions, they begin to value those same things:

1. If I'm not scoring, I'm not good.
2. If I don't play a lot, I stink.
3. If we aren't winning, what's the point...

As parents, we have tremendous sway over the things our children value. We must take that seriously.

You probably don't ask your kids those 3 questions I listed above, since you are likely at the game. You already know the answer.

But you probably aren't at practices. So when you see your child after practice, the questions you ask will help shape their experience.

With that in mind, ask wisely!

5 Post-Practice Values-Driven Questions To Develop Your Child

1. How did you show great effort? Pretty much every parent values effort. It's a fair expectation of your child. Thus, an effort-based question is a good place to start.
   
   Effort is completely within their control. Asking about it reinforces its importance. Hopefully, they can quickly come up with an answer. If so, that's great. If not, you should probably do some deeper digging to find out what's going on.
2. How were you a good teammate today? You may need to start by defining what a good teammate does - helps their teammates when they are struggling, celebrates their successes, etc.
   
   Once they understand what it means, it's a great question to ask. Being a good teammate applies in so many areas of life. Getting them to reflect on it now builds the habit of looking beyond themselves.
   
   Over time, your child will start to look for and relish opportunities to serve others. And that's pretty special!
3. What's something one of your teammates did well today? This builds on the last question. Most questions parents ask focus on what their kids did. That's understandable but also misses an opportunity.
   
   By asking about something another player did well, you are encouraging your child to look for good things happening around them. When they start to recognize those moments, they also are more likely to celebrate them.
   
   Everyone likes being around someone who is positive and encouraging. Asking this question helps develop that in your child.
4. What's something hard you tried today? We all want our children to have a growth mindset. We don't want them to be afraid to try hard things.
   
   Unfortunately, it's becoming more challenging for kids to do this. In our social media world where every mistake is seemingly captured on video, it's easy for kids to stay safely in their comfort zone.
   
   Push your child to not do this. Asking this question helps them see the importance of doing hard things. When you then celebrate them for trying something hard, it reinforces that belief.
5. What was something fun that you got to do? Finally, make sure to ask this. If youth sports aren't fun, that's an issue. We can all get sucked into the results at times. But ultimately, it's a game. It has to be fun. If it's not, your child isn't going to want to keep playing.
   
   So be sure they know it's supposed to be fun. Asking about fun reminds them of that.

The Power Of Open-Ended Questions

If you look at those questions, you'll notice they are all open-ended. In other words, they can't be answered with a simple yes or no.

If you're like me, you've asked your child, "Fhow was school today?" only to hear, "Good." End of discussion.

By using open-ended questions, you elicit more information.

Using Your Questions To Build Better People

Give these questions a try. At first, they might seem contrived. But they're not. They actually get at the type of person you want your child to be.

Over time, your child will take notes of what you're asking about. They'll pick up on what you value. Then they'll start to value it, too!

And we all know that being a person of character is a lot more important than how many points you scored. We all just need a reminder sometimes!

What do you think? Let us know by leaving your comments, suggestions, and questions...

Comments Most Likes First   Oldest First   Newest First Bud Welch says: 10/2/2024 at 1:53:16 PM Coach Jeff, This is a another great message to help parents and coaches keep young athletes focused on life as they grow through the enjoyment of playing sports. Thanks! Bud Welch Texas Like     login   register

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