I coached high school boys' basketball for 19 years and served as a varsity boys' coach for 16 years. During that time, I often remarked that I could never coach girls' basketball. Looking back on it, I don’t know why I said that. It was just a perception I held.

For the past two years, I’ve coached 7th- and 8th-grade middle school girls. The experience has changed me - for the better!

It’s made me a better coach. It’s also opened my eyes to the wonderful world of girls’ basketball. As the father of two female players, I feel strongly about the need to bring more female basketball players to the game.

I still coach middle school boys. I really enjoy coaching both genders. However, they aren’t the same, and they shouldn’t be coached in the same way.

I’m not the only one who feels this way. I recently received the following email from Gary, a 30-year coaching veteran:

• “The problem I see is the lack of understanding that we have to coach girls differently than boys, and I don’t think there has been sufficient recognition of that fact....not the X and O parts necessarily, but even more so the mental aspects of competition and performance. So many girls drop out of our sport due to social pressure, anxiety, and feelings of incompetence. One of my coaching colleagues recently commented offhandedly that girls’ basketball is a “dying sport”. Maybe so, but I hope not. We can be better.”

He’s right. We can be better. Here’s a roadmap to start the process!

The Coaching Myth That Holds Teams Back

When I was exclusively coaching boys, I would often hear girls' coaches say something like:

• “I coach my girls like a boys’ team.”

This was said with pride. I understood it to mean that boys were capable of taking harder coaching. I inferred that most girls weren’t getting high-quality, intense coaching, either because they couldn’t handle it or because their coach wasn’t providing it.

At the time, I didn’t question that statement. Today, I would. In fact, I’d say if you are coaching your girls’ team like a boys’ team, you are doing them a disservice.

Does that mean you don’t coach girls hard? Of course not. High standards are not the exclusive domain of males. 

However, your methods for teaching and maintaining culture and standards will vary depending on your players' gender.

Same Game, Different Methods: 3 Coaching Truths To Connect Better

What have I learned from coaching both genders that can help other coaches?

1. Girls connect before competing, while boys compete to connect.

   Most girls prize team chemistry and relationships with teammates. When they feel that their status on the team is secure, they will play exceptionally hard.

   Boys often use competition as a means to connect. They use competition as a way to gain status within the team.

   What does this mean for you?

   If you’re coaching girls, make sure that you pay attention to the social dynamics. Make sure that every team member knows she is valued. When they feel that way, they will run through a wall for you and for each other.

   If you’re coaching boys, make sure you use competition to uplift the group. It’s great that boys want to compete. However, be wary of players who excel in competition and believe they have earned a higher status on the team.

2. Girls tend to accept coaching without questioning. Boys want to know why.

   Girls are very coachable. They will try to do whatever you ask. This is a great thing. However, because they are so willing, they sometimes don’t take the time to understand the reason behind what you’re asking.

   Boys, on the other hand, are often anxious to show you how much they know (which they generally believe is more than you)! 

   What does this mean for you?

   If you’re coaching girls, take time to explain the “why.” You can get away with not doing this. However, that is a short-sighted move. Explaining the why helps build their basketball IQ and fosters independence.

   If you’re coaching boys, don’t be frustrated by their assertion of knowledge. Turn it into a positive. It’s good that they want to know. Use teaching methods like questioning and cold calling to keep them engaged.

3. Girls are often better than they think they are. Boys are often not as good as they think they are.

   I once heard a coach say it this way:

   “If you are watching film with a girls’ team and make a general comment about an area of weakness, every girl thinks you are talking about her. If you are watching film with a boys’ team and make the same comment, every boy assumes you are talking about one of their teammates.”

   Many girls struggle with self-confidence. They internalize mistakes. This often leads them to underestimate their abilities.

   Boys are a different beast. In my 16 years of coaching boys' varsity basketball, I probably coached 30 boys who were 100% convinced they were going to get a Division I scholarship. Of those 30, one did.

   What does this mean for you?

   It seems obvious that female players need encouragement. And they do. But so do boys. All our athletes need encouragement.

   With female players who struggle with confidence, be sure to point out specific, positive plays they make. Doing this in front of the team is even better. SHOUT PRAISE, WHISPER CRITICISM.

   With overconfident boys, be sure to define their role. They may not love the role you give them, but if you discuss it and define it, it creates clarity in terms of expectation. If the role is less than they’d like, give them an avenue to grow their role.

Dispelling the “One Size Fits All” Coaching Philosophy

Whether you coach boys or girls, I’d be willing to bet you don’t coach every player on your team the same. 

• Some need more encouragement

• Some need more direction

• Some need more attention

So, if you coach the boys or girls within your team differently, why would we assume it’s bad to coach boys & girls differently?

Recognizing the differences among genders (while also being aware of those players who don’t fit into those generalizations) is what separates the great coaches from the mediocre ones.

Use the tips above to put yourself on that higher path!

For more youth coaching tips and techniques that work with all players, check out The Youth Coaching System with Jim Huber.

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