When is the last time you learned something directly from someone else? I'm not talking about a book. I'm talking about working with another person to try to develop a skill.

I recently took some tennis lessons. I have played occasionally for a number of years, but wanted to see if I could improve with some instruction.

The process was eye-opening. I liked my instructor. He was patient and personable. He encouraged me. He gave me a couple of things to focus on rather than overwhelming me with a dozen different things.

All of that made it a pretty positive experience... and yet, it was also really frustrating.

Serving is the weakest part of my game. During our sessions, I would have segments where I would fault on 5 serves in a row.

As I did this, my coach would be giving me reminders. Were they effective? Not always. And in truth, most of that wasn't on him. Some of his cues didn't work for me. That was a small part of it. But the biggest part was in my head.

As I would hit repeated balls out of play, I felt myself start to get upset. When that happened, I was not in a good place to receive his instruction. I was focused on my feelings and not my technique.

Eventually, I had to walk away for a moment to gather myself. When I came back, I was in a much better headspace to be coached.

When I drove home, I was frustrated with myself for needing to do that. And then a lightning bolt hit me!

Walking in Your Player's Shoes: The Surprising Lesson I Learned from Tennis Frustrations

As we progress in our coaching careers, we get used to being the one giving directions. We also start to believe that players ought to be able to follow our directions with ease-because we know what we are doing!

It's almost cliche to say "coaching is teaching." It's also true to say "you haven't taught until they have learned." This is where too many of us screw up.

Just because we told them or showed them what to do, doesn't mean it was effective coaching.

Did we tell them in a way they can understand? Did we account for the emotions they are feeling at that moment? Did we give them space to recalibrate, if necessary?

Too often, the answer is no. We do it the way we've always done it. If their frustration is preventing them from learning, that's on them. They need to be 'mentally tougher' or 'more focused.'

I'm not saying that we shouldn't encourage players to learn to refocus quicker. But I am saying that we must remember that players are people. They are experiencing the full range of emotions.

The player who misses 5 shots in a row is just like me when I missed 5 serves in a row. I wasn't ready to be coached in that moment. If that's me at 40, why would I expect something different from a 16-year-old?

Learning is hard! The more we remember that, the more effective we will be in coaching them.

Get Back in the Game: How Being a Student Can Make You a Better Coach

Many coaches would agree with what I said. But I would challenge you to go one step further.

Think of something you are interested in learning. Pickleball. Ballroom dance. Cooking. Chess. It doesn't matter what it is.

Find something. Take lessons. Be a student again.

In doing so, you'll grow in a couple of ways. First, you'll be a more well-rounded person. All of us need hobbies that give us a break from the game.

Second, you'll be a better coach. Reminding yourself of what it feels like to be a student will give you better insight into your players. You'll be able to reach and teach them in ways you couldn't before.

And in doing so, their trust, respect, and admiration for you will grow right along with their game!

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