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PostPosted: 15 Jan 2020, 16:41 

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I wanted to get some insight from the best around. My daughter is a freshman college basketball player at a DIII school. She is super hardworking, skilled, extremely respectful & has love, passion, grit & determination for the game of basketball. She has played thru both illness & injury (open break to nose missed 1 game wore mask, level 3 sprained ucl which required an arm brace and missed no games. She was the best on her high school team her jr & sr year. First 2 seasons under a different coach who did not know how to utilize her she didn't score many points. Jr & Sr yr a new coach who believed in her and pushed her, she became a top scorer in the county in both points & 3pts. Now on to college, I am watching her coach destroy her confidence & passion by yelling, screaming and nitpicking her in every practice & game. Coach says players need to develop a "thick skin" & if she is not 'talking' to you that means she doesn't care about you. She is not talking but rather yelling & screaming to the point she is borderline bullying. But then tells her she has plans for her & sees her being a great player only to say next that she & the team needs to be "perfect, 100% of the time"--crazy right?! People are not perfect & should be allowed to make mistakes because that is how they learn. She allows other teammates to curse at the her, her being the coach. Other players ignore the coach completely & play the way they want & nothing is done. 1 player this year quit twice & the last time this player quit she fouled out of a game as she was walking off flipped the coaches chair & went to the locker room & cleaned her stuff out. She begged this play to return and she has. This coach has yelled my daughter's name during games several times this year when she was NOT ON THE COURT! There are so many things I could list that this coach "allows" from some of her players. My main goal right now is how do you approach a coach like this? My daughter feels if she speaks with the coach the coach will penalize her for it & turn it around on her. The 3 assistant coaches have been trying to help my daughter but they feel they are in the very same spot she is. She does not listen or rely on her coaching staff and her staff turns over every year or so because she drives them out. Over the years talking with senior parents many teammates left her team to play else where. I know that is an option but she is at that school to get her degree first! It just pains me to watch the love & passion drain from my daughter. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Ed M


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PostPosted: 16 Jan 2020, 13:22 
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If the coach has open door communication and willing to sit down and talk, it might be worth communicating. Sometimes coaches are very open to feedback and it can make a difference. However, in many cases coaches aren't very open to what parents think. They certainly don't want to be told how to do their job. And if you do talk with the coach, you'll need to approach it in a non-confrontational and effective way... where you might have to compliment the coach, ask the coaches questions, seek their professional help/advice, demonstrate respect, seek first to understand... then to be understood, etc. Because once most coach senses the complaining coming, the walls often go up. And sometimes tempers flare.

Maybe put yourself in the coaches shoes by imagining the parent of one of your customers coming into your office and trying to talk to you about how you do your job... maybe criticizing the way you do things. You probably wouldn't like that. It would probably take the right approach for you to even be open to their ideas and not offended. It can be done but most people go about it the wrong way.

With that said, I always tell my kids to focus on what you can control. And don't worry about stuff you have no control over. You can't control the coach. You can't control the refs. You can only control your effort, attitude, and how you react to things. You will run into lots of personalities in life... and how you adapt has a big impact on your success and happiness. Ultimately you chose the school and coach. So make the choice to turn this into an opportunity, a challenge, or spin it positive anyway you can.

Maybe you ultimately choose a different school or you choose to react to the coach differently. But in the end, it is very unlikely you will be able to change the coach.

My two cents. Good luck!

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http://www.BreakthroughBasketball.com


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