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PostPosted: 11 Feb 2014, 09:46 

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My son loves basketball, he will shoot the ball from sun up to sun down.he ask me to play with all the time. we go to the park and play. He loves doing drills and wants other kids to do the drill with him. Im not a fan of sports so im not a parent that pushes my son. my problem i have is when it comes time to play a game or Practice game he just stands there almost like he has no idea what to do. the kids and coach want him to play because coach kept stats on the shooting and he is 85% hitting on shooting drills. I never say anything to push him i just say good job or something to that when he does a good job. I cant understand how a kid would put so much time into practicing on his own time, no one pushing him to do so but not play. the season is almost over and he wants to find a local spring summer league to play in. the problem i have is he just stands there and i feel its unfair to the other players for him to play. the league they play in every one must play 1 qtr. I have also noticed at the parks when he plays 1 on 1 he will take it to the kid but the moment the other kid get a little aggresive he will stop playing and kinda jog around. I told him i though it would be a good idea for him to not play summer basketball and try baseball, he got upset and cried. He is very very shy even the coach said to me "you know your son has never said one word to me can he even talk". the coach says on the drill my son is probly the best kid he has and has told my son that many times. Any advice


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PostPosted: 11 Feb 2014, 09:57 
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Tough situation for you. Sounds like he is afraid to do anything wrong. (fail?)

How old is your son? Has he ever played anything competitively? How does he do in school? Does he get involved in the scrimmages during practice? Tell us a little more about him??

Remind him that baseball players make millions of $$$$ hitting .300 (or less) and that means that they are FAILING over 70% of the time. We should be so lucky.

IF he wants to play summer ball, I would encourage him..... tell him that he is a pretty good player... and the game is all about having FUN...... just do your best, You might want to explain to the coach about what is happening.


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PostPosted: 11 Feb 2014, 10:07 
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Seems like confidence is an issue. Maybe some confidence building activities outside of basketball would help? Celebrate the small improvements and success. Maybe some social building activities and confidence would help too.

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PostPosted: 11 Feb 2014, 10:24 

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He does very well at school but teacher says he is shy very shy to the point it holds him back. like sports the teacher say he is probly more advanced than the other kids but when working in groups he will let the less smarter kids take over and get what there working on wrong, even tho he could get it correct on his own. he does not do well at scrimmages during practice but is by far the best at drills. His dribbling shooting and passing is way past the other players. he is 8 years old so maybe he is just to young. Even the coach has made the comment he is the best player on the team he just dont know it. Coach had him bringing the ball down the court because of his dribbling and passing.he did this for 3 games, after the first time he messed up he never wanted to again. I keep telling him its ok to mess up and keep having fun.


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PostPosted: 11 Feb 2014, 10:36 
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It is definately a confidence issure... but he is 8 years old.... he doesn't want to be the cernter of attention.... at lesat now yet. There are a lot of kids like that.

You said he does well 1 on 1, he is forced to play then. How about getting him to play some 2 on 2 or 3 on 3 games? He just needs to be lead into this slowly... have him gain some confidence at his own pace.

Every sport is made up of mistakes... and thats how young kids learn... adults too. Trust me, as a coach, I made my share... or course as a coach, hindsight is great. :-)

Just keep encouraging him and things will get better... but its going to be on HIS time. Joe knows a young friend of mine, his mom was hard on him and I told her to encourage him....... and he said,,,, "yeah mon, encourage me." haha
He is an A/B student now and doing well..... it took him until he was in 8th grade to assert himself.

Good luck and I hope he does well.


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PostPosted: 11 Feb 2014, 12:54 

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I'll chime in here with my, "kids change" mini speech. Being a coach from the younger ages and into high school with most of the same kids afforded me the opportunity to witness a lot of changes. Some of the kids I thought would be the next stud quit the sport, some of the kids I thought wouldn't keep playing (my son included), turned out to be the studs. It's easy to categorize certain kids based on their personalities and physical characteristics, especially when they're younger. Stick the tall kid on the blocks and let the little guys dribble type thing. Try not to fall in this trap as your son goes down this path.

Coach Sar's suggestion of 3v3 (and continuing 1v1) is a great idea. I love 3v3 because it allows players to work on all the different skills in basketball.

Jeff's comment about confidence is another key point. As a dad, let him know you enjoy watching him play and try to stay away from the critiquing. It's really up to the coach to see the potential and draw it out.

Last thought. I'd find a team with a good coach who has a solid philosophy on this whole youth sports gig. Preferably a team with kids he feels comfortable around and knows. If he enjoys hanging out on the team, gets some atta boys from the coach and his teammates, some of this could start to fall in place.

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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2014, 12:44 

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i guess i should of just ask him. When he was 6 years old his first soccer practice he tripped over a player and fell just right snapped his arm. he had to have surgery, lost some of the movement and feeling. he says he is very afraid of that happening again.


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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2014, 16:15 
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That pretty much answers your question. The next problem is... HOW do you help him get over that? Its easy for us to say, hey, its no big deal now.... you got hurt and you are ok now. Obviously, he still remembers it and doesn't want that to happen again. Can we guarantee him that it wont happen again?? NOPE.

You will have to bring him through this slowly.... you might ask him if playing is worth him getting hurt again?


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PostPosted: 13 Feb 2014, 18:06 

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I'll share a story real quick and then relate it back to your situation:

About 1 year ago.. will be one year on Sunday, our family lost our house in a fire. Fortunately we were not home (I was actually coaching the last game of our season that day, just as I will be this weekend), but we did lose our dog in the fire as well as the large majority of our possessions.

At first, I thought the kids would be fine, as we had them distracted with friends while my wife and I worked with the fire department, made sure the kids were not around when they removed our dog from the house, etc. The reality is, this was a very traumatizing experience for them, and it started to show with some behaviral issues. They had been through a major trauma, and thankfully we found professional help to help them work through their fears/issues that came as a result of the fire.

Now, I'm not a big therapy for everything kind of guy, but it has worked wonders for our children.

Now, how does this relate to you. Your son went through a major traumatic event when he was 6. It clearly is still affecting him today. In addition to talking to your son about it, I would suggest you possibly consider finding a child counsellor that could speak to him, or at least talk to a few counsellors yourself to determine if they think this is a situation that they could help with. Obviously I don't know what your relationship with your son is like, but he may feel more comfortable sharing things with a counsellor that could help him get over his apparent fears.

Just a thought based on my own children going through major traumas when they were close in age to your own son.


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PostPosted: 14 Feb 2014, 11:54 

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Great advice Coach Andy! Sorry about your loss, that must have been extremely traumatic for all you guys.

winstontool wrote:
he says he is very afraid of that happening again.
I can imagine he would be afraid of that happening again. I really like Coach Andy's suggestion of seeing a counselor, even a sports counselor if you can swing it.

In the end, we're talking about playing a sport. I'm a firm believer that sports should be fun, even at the higher levels. I wouldn't get too twisted up about how this goes down. Try your best to support him and go with the flow.

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