How To Approach a Coach

Need some advice. Do you have any information on how to approach a coach if parents and kids are unhappy with them? This is a very uncomfortable subject and I want to make sure I handle it appropriately and be sensitive to everyone's feelings.

This IS a tough subject ..... most coaches have big egos (me included LOL) so tread lightly. Pick ONE representative and set up an appointment to discuss your problem areas. DO NOT go in with an ATTACK MODE..... try to make this a question and answer session. Do not do this on the practice floor or anywhere near the gym if you can - that is HIS territory, he will DEFEND it.

You might go in with a few areas that you are unhappy with... list 3-4 BUT go in with some things that you are happy with, talk about them first.... and leave AT LEAST ONE GOOD one to end your session with, leave on a positive note.

I would start by asking him what his philosophy about the game is - belive me, most people in the stands DO NOT understand what the coach is trying to accomplish.... (been there) Try to understand what he is trying to do, that might solve some of the problems right away. Keep this conversation very low keyed, if it starts to become heated move on to another point, preferably a positive one. IF he thinks he is being attacked he will shut you down... I know I would.

If you could give us a few specifics we might be able to give you some better answers. Good luck

DO,

I think it all depends upon the age group and what kind of team it is. You'll need to handle it differently for a volunteer coach in 8,9,10 YO rec. league vs. a varsity HS coach. In addition, it will depend on your complaint. For example, if it is playing time you'll have a better chance with the rec. league as they probably have some rules. At the HS level, the best you might get is an understanding of what it takes to earn playing time. Good luck.

This is indeed a very delicate topic and you need to follow the advice of both Coach Sars and Golfman. I have some of the same questions, for example, is it only one unhappy parent and player or is the entire team unhappy, what is the cause for your concerns? Is it the coaches personality? his innability to motivate the team, is he inexperienced? is he abusive? take some time to analyzy the problems and if they cant be worked out in a simple meeting then you may have to take other steps. Remember, many of these problems are slight but can become a festering wound if left unnatended. But I caution you, dont take in a bazooka to kill a mosquito. Hope this helps Coach Mac

Welcome back Mac... haven't seen you in ages. Good advice here.

If I could add to the already great advise.

Man to man absolutely!!

Don't worry about plays, but instead interactions.
Although young it would be great if they learn how to pass efficiently in a well ran fast break.
It's not early to learn how to down screen, pass and cut, ball screens and especially FEEDING THE POST! A lost art in youth basketball.

Much success to you.

www.spartanpt.com/blog

Could you please give us some specifics regardng the problems as you see them..... we might be able to give you some advice that relates to each problem.

Good evening. I sent an e-mail to the team today with the agenda for our parent's meeting this weekend. Here's a copy of the agenda.

- CYC Philosophy and Basketball Guidelines
- Coaches philosophy and goals
- Communication
- Practice/discipline/rules
- Expectation of players
- Expectation of parents
- Summer vs. Winter league vs. Tournaments
- CYC Coaches’ Code of Ethics form for Winter League
- Upcoming VFW Tournament
- Future Tournaments
- Uniforms
- Open forum

Here's how the coach responded back to me. Very defensive. Should I bother to reply back? I haven't even had the meeting yet. This meeting is meant to be positive, productive and information but the coach assumes he is going to be attacked and that is not my intention for this meeting. Also, I don't have an issue with the othe coach. Everyone likes the other coach. The parents do not feel comfortable in talking to him and that's why they have opened up their feeling to me (the parent rep).

There is too much on the agenda. I think that we should just have an open forum to discuss any issues that anyone has. If someone has an issue with the communication then just bring it up. I think that everyone knows what the philosophy. The first 6 items could be one issue, are there any issues regarding the coaching of the team? Are there any questions on the direction? With the first 6 agenda items it looks like a meeting where I am just defending myself and everyone who has an issue will criticize the coaches and the team. If thats the case, I have been there before and I will quit and Jay or Bill or Eddie can coach. If anyone has an issue on how Jay and I are coaching the team they should feel comfortable discussing it with me or Jay.

I have reviewed the return email from the coach and in my opinion, you are correct it is a highly defensive reaction. Its as if he feels or knows he is not too popular and this is his response. It seems as if he wants to reject you before you reject him. I have coached every level for close to 40 years and I have never had any problems discussing the first six items on your agenda. Perhaps his defensive reaction is because he really doesnt have any guidelines in place in regards to philosophy, parents, team expectaions, practices etc. Your letter to him and the parents regarding the meeing is more than fair, and as a coach I personally would take no issue with it. My advice is to have the meeting conduct it with the agenda you have designed, dont attack the coach, caution your parents not to attack the coach handle it in a clean professional manner and I believe, he will hang himself. Problem solved..please keep me posted...Coach Mac

I agree with Mac, this coach is feeling the pressure.

He could have avoided this by having a pre season meeting - explaining all of those items. We held a meeting every year, with the players and parents from all levels... Freshman through Varsity. To me, an open forum is a way for all "disgruntled" parents to vent and really take away from the positives that can come out of a meeting.
I tried to cover all the things that I knew were important from District/school rules to the rules for the program... I left very little unconvered. This solved a lot of problems. ( we covered all of your items ) we had our meeting after what we called a Blue _ White game so they could see what we were trying to accomplish... nothing is very good after just 7-8 days of practice but they got the general idea.

I might suggest that you talk to this coach yourself and ask him to write down the philosophies / rules and expectations down so the parents know up front what to expect. Then at the beginning of every year, he can pass that out in a pre season meeting... that way the coaching staff will have everything covered.
Do you have that kind of relationship with him? Try to come across as someone who wants to help him and the program and NOT someone who wants to attack him...... and while YOU might not want to do that it is obvious that he thinks the parents will.

My advice is to have the meeting conduct it with the agenda you have designed, dont attack the coach, caution your parents not to attack the coach handle it in a clean professional manner and I believe, he will hang himself. Problem solved..please keep me posted...Coach Mac
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THIS part is very important -

Ken: man, thank you for your support, you are so damn cool..Coach mac

Hey, you're the guy with all the heavy experince ..... You ALWAYS come up with good advice. Keep up the good work. Hope all is well.

Thank you Coach Mac and Coach Sar. Good advice. I will stick to the agenda and wasn't even planning to attack the coach but have an open discussion. Let me explain alittle bit further. The team is only a 3rd grade team so they are only 8 years old. The team has been together since Kindergarten. Since the beginning we have not had a parents meeting. This will be the very first one. Probably because the coaches spouse was parent rep the first year and another parent was rep last year ao this is my first year volunteering. Obviously some of the parents were not comfortable talking to either rep until now. Also I don't have a good feeling on how the other parents whether or not they have any issues. They have never said anything to me yet. It's half 5 out of 10 excluding the coach and asst coach. So my feeling for me to go into an open forum right from the start seems alittle bit harsh because the others don't know about what's going on. Also I don't have any details of what the coach went through prior ao for him to assume it's going to be the same is very immature.

D.O.

8 year old kids should be having FUN! That should be the MAJOR goal. Teach them how to dribble the ball, pass and catch it and then let them have some fun.... if you make things so difficult for them they will be burned out by the time they reach jr high or high school.

Have the parents meeting, keep it light and simple.

I am going to take a different tack here. This sounds like an ambush. And the coach is right to be skeptical. You're setting up a disaster. If you have 8-10 kids on the team, that will be a group of 16 to 20 parents with some bottled up frustrations talking to one coach and maybe an assistant. IMO, bad idea. As a parent rep, it might be a better idea to have approached the coach privately to discuss some of the concerns. Clue him in on how people feel and see if he is willing to make some changes or accomadations. If necessary, he could call a meetting to clarify and explain things.

The fact that you talking about 3rd graders is extremely problematic to me as well. An 8 YO has the attention span of a nat. and little to no ability to pick up the complexities of basketball. If you played on a dirt court, half would probably be kneeling down building "sand castles." The other half would be fence climbers. I have been there and there is nothing more frustrating than "coaching" 8 year olds. For every parent who had something to say to me, I certainly could blast them back for their childs behavior, lack of effort, lack of practice, etc. Thankfully, it never happened. My goal was to get thru every practice/game without taking anyone to the hospital. Then if they learned how to dribble, pass, and possibly shoot, that was a bonus. It certainly was a very trying experience. Good luck.

You have me laughing golfman.... but you are so right. These are young kids with little abilities right now, some have more than others true... but for the most part... not much.... and keeping their attention span.... well, good luck with that UNLESS you are having them do something that is a lot of FUN.

I still don't think that a parent meeting is a bad idea.... BUT, the COACH should be in charge of it.... and not the parents. IF anyone thinks that coaching is an easy task... just try it for awhile...... and to coach 8 year olds.... wow..... you better have the patience of a Saint.

I have coached 8 year olds and never had any parents have an issue. The coach is very unapproachable. Several parents have tried to talk with him but he just blows them off. What kind of coach is that? Not willing listen or hear what the parents have to say? I'm the parent rep and doing this on behalf of the parents because if there's some of change, then the kids will quit and that is not what we want to happen.

D.O. wrote:I have coached 8 year olds and never had any parents have an issue. The coach is very unapproachable. Several parents have tried to talk with him but he just blows them off. What kind of coach is that? Not willing listen or hear what the parents have to say? I'm the parent rep and doing this on behalf of the parents because if there's some of change, then the kids will quit and that is not what we want to happen.

At 8 years old, what possiblly would the parents have to say? Unless the guy is completely clueless about basketball and kids, or abusive towards the kids, my guess is it would mostly be complaints.

I agree.... and back to what golfman said earlier..... why don't you approach him yourself and talk about a few issues... is this what you are planning to do?
Make sure that you have some positives too..... no one wants to hear complaints only.

Can you give us some specific examples of what he is doing or NOT doing? That way we would have a better handle on this situation.

Ok, I reviewed this entire thread and thought I would chime in.

I agree with Golfman. I think that's a tough situation for a youth coach. I also think Coach Sar asked the right question. What issues do you have with the coach? What do you and the parents want changed?

You need to keep in mind that Coach Sar and Coach Mac are very experienced coaches. They know their stuff. They also have worked at a much higher level (high school, college, pro). That's an entire different level of experience and comfort. These guys know how to handle almost any coaching situation or meeting that you call.

Is this coach a volunteer? When I hear this is 3rd grade my perspective completely changes. And even many high school coaches would feel uncomfortable in a meeting situation where all the parents are running the show. I've had parent meetings, but I run the show with my agenda! I would feel nervous if all the parents called me to a meeting.

You could also make a very good argument that 3rd graders shouldn't even be playing basketball yet. But I won't even go there because lots of kids play at that age and we're not getting around that.

So I think the most important thing is to answer Coach Sar's question: "Can you give us some specific examples of what he is doing or NOT doing? "

Then I think we'll be able to truly give you some good advice. Working with 3rd graders (or any young team like that) is completely different. There are very important things that need to happen at that age and if I'm being honest, parents are often the biggest problem because they are not educated about "child development" and they are also living through their children.

I applaud you for seeking advice. I think once all the info gets out, it will pay off for you and the team.