Yelling at players

In your articles, is a yelling coach addressed?

I record games of a friend's teenage daughter and the coach yells at the players (move...) and will yell at a player by name for making a mistake-sometimes pulling the player out of the game "talk with her".

I fail to grasp how such behavior motivates a player as I see it as a form of intimidation that takes the fun out of playing and creates other issues.

Her father, sadly, yells at her during games and feels justified in doing so.


Am I mistaken that both the coach and the father are doing more harm than good?

* for accuracy the father yells from the stands and the coach yells from the floor. Someone I read wrote: if you are a coach don't parent. If you are a parent don't coach (from the stands).

gwm wrote:* for accuracy the father yells from the stands and the coach yells from the floor. Someone I read wrote: if you are a coach don't parent. If you are a parent don't coach (from the stands).
[ Post details ] Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 9:34 am

Whoever said this was a wise person!! Its hard enough to coach kids today without parents trying to "coach" them from the stands.

I cant say that I never yelled TO A PLAYER during games because at some high school gyms you cant hear yourself think.. but if they were on our end of the court I would talk to them... same at half time or after games.

We practiced in a field house and that was difficult because everything in the world was going on in there... track practice using starters pistols, wrestling practice on the balcony etc. You name it, they were doing it. So there were times you had to yell just so they could hear you. I will never forget my first day of practice as an asst. gun shot, I ducked... (starters pistol - head coach laughed.... then a bird flew past our heads. It was an eye opener thats for sure.

As for the coach, I would like to think that he was trying to explain something that she did wrong when he took her out of the game... thats part of coaching. Every coach has his own way of motivating his/her players and each kid is different. Some need a kick in the butt ( an expression ) and others need a pat on the butt. There were times that Iried to get a player mad at me so he would try harder... I coached vasrity boys and believe me you have to try all kinds of thiings to motivate them... some times its them having a good laugh at your expense, been there.

I only coached girls one year and the one thing I found out was... for boys to be happy, they have to play well, For girls to play well, they have to be happy. Go figure, hard enough to coach but we have to be psychologists too. (along with many other roles)

I don't know if this answers your questions or not, but its the best answer I can come up with.

There is an article on yelling, see below.

If a coach is yelling at a player because they made a mistake I don't think that's acceptable. If they are yelling to give occasional instructions, I'm good with that. It gets pretty loud out there.

I think the reason a lot of coaches yell is because they think that's part of being a "good coach". You're soft if you don't yell at the kids. How else can you get your point across? They won't take you serious unless you yell. Those types of things. I'm more in the camp of yelling out the good things they're doing on the court or in practice.

With regards to parents yelling at their kids on the court, I'm good with the positive yelling. "Good job!" "Keep it up!" "Woo hoo!" or whatever floats your boat. Yelling instructions is the worst thing a parent can do.

I've run into a few cool sayings over the years about parents and their kids in sports:

Let the players play, the coaches coach, and the officials officiate.

I saw some version of this on the door of a league we played in one year:

Your kid is not Kobe Bryant
This is not the NBA
Basketball is a game
It should be fun


http://www.breakthroughbasketball.com/blog/index.php/stop-yelling-and-start-coaching/

I agree with the 3 responses whole-heartedly.

Is having a code of conduct implement the school are partial answer-at least w/r to parent's whose yelling is primarily negative? I have seen looks by a players at a parent that is easily interpreted as "shut up".

The coach will say something like: (players first name) what are you thinking or doing? Is such yelling close to bullying, which is prohibited in today's schools? Does it inhibit player's from performing out of fear of making mistakes? Is this an administrative issue?

I have seen adults removed from high school games this year. A lot of it has to do with the parents that you might have from year to year. Some are great... others.... welll!

Thats priobably the best way to handle it.... or it can mean, please mom or dad, you are embarassing me.

They are enforcing the coaches box more this year.. in ALL hte years I have coached, I have never seen a coach get a T because he was out of the box.... did this year. It does have a way to calm coaches down.

As for handling your players and them being afraid of you..... as a coach you are with them 6 days a week and they know how you are... fiesty/active or laid back... they know how to react. I was the former and I don't remember any kid that was afraid of me. They get nervous about making mistakes, who doesn't? No one is perfect that includes the coaches and officials. We all do the best we can.

gwm wrote:I agree with the 3 responses whole-heartedly.

Is having a code of conduct implement the school are partial answer-at least w/r to parent's whose yelling is primarily negative? I have seen looks by a players at a parent that is easily interpreted as "shut up".

The coach will say something like: (players first name) what are you thinking or doing? Is such yelling close to bullying, which is prohibited in today's schools? Does it inhibit player's from performing out of fear of making mistakes? Is this an administrative issue?

I don't really see the issue with coaches "yelling." I'm sort of loud and certainly can be called a yeller. Especially in a group setting with all sorts of activity going on. I think it is what you yell that may be an issue from time to time. I would say 90% of the time "negative" yelling was focused at the team as a whole. Situations where we would practice things during the week and on game day the kids would "forget" and wouldn't even try to execute them. We'll I would jog their memory. :) Also a lot of encouragement -- to keep the energy up. Individually, as coach said, each player is different. Some need a wake up call. I was an equal opportunity yeller.

As for parents yelling instructions to the kids while playing, I don't think it is generally a good idea. As the kids get older they tune us out anyway.

I don't think it even comes close to "bullying." Coaches correcting players is part of the process. If the players can't handle it they can find another team.

Which reminds me. We have a team in our district. Most (like 80%) of the kids are dirt poor. No dads (or parents). Several kids ineligible due to grades, etc. We played them on a Saturday morning in the first round of the playoffs. They had to take a bus to the game because there were almost zero parents who came to support them. They have nothing. Nothing but this coach. A coach who is a YELLER. _____ what are you doing!!!!! ____ what did I tell you!!!! We would make bets on how long it was before one of his catch phrases came out. We had fun with him. We lost to them that Saturday morning. My kid has the winning shot lip out. They acted like they just one the NCAA championship. The coach hugged all his kids. That coach was "all in." We felt bad for the loss. But if you're going to loose, loose to that guy and that bunch of kids. I would let my kid play for that coach in a heartbeat, yelling and all.

Hi Everyone:

Thank you for your input. It has been quite helpful and deeply appreciated.

I just wanted to add this -

My first year of coaching Varsity basketball I felt like I was being too hard on the kids and maybe yelling too much?
So, I decided to back off a little bit. Now those kids had already played for me as sophomores so they knew how I was as a coach.... but it must have bothered them somehow... they got this sophomore that I brought up to talk to me... at least I think they put him up to it, (or he just took it upon himseld)

He came up to me, kind of teary eyed and asked If I was ok, ( I had some sugery just prior to the season ) I said yes, he asked if I was mad at them, I said NO.... whats wrong Jeff? He said, then why are you acting this way?? I said I thought I would take some pressure off of you guys. He told me this.... forget that cr*p, JUST BE YOURSELF. I kind of smiled and said ok.... everybody on the line and give me two quick ones. We all had a good laugh and I never forgot that. He was a 5'2" 15 year old...... amazing kid. Just be yourself... they will know if you are being phony.

They do have to know that you care about them as people and not just basketballl players.... if they know that, they will play hard for you and take care of businees.

Coach Sar wrote: Just be yourself... they will know if you are being phony. They do have to know that you care about them as people and not just basketballl players.... if they know that, they will play hard for you and take care of businees.

Love it. This is spot on.

As I progressed in my coaching career, I turned out not to be much of a yeller. A few parents came up to me and actually gave me permission to yell at their kid, "You can yell at my kid. He needs it and that's okay with me." This backfired big time as I took a parent up on that request. The kid wasn't paying attention (several times) in a game so I let him have it. After the game, his parents let me have it. Sometimes we don't know what we're asking for when we ask for it.

Coaching is not an exact science. I had kids that could handle being yelled at and others that had thin skin. Learning what motivated different players helped tremendously. One might need to be fired up with a nose to nose talk and another one needed to be calmed down.

I definitely yelled over the years, not much, but I yelled. Sometimes at inappropriate times and yelled things I probably shouldn't have, but the heat of the moment gets to you now and then. Most folks can tell if a coach is the real deal. The real test is what happened to Coach Sar, do the kids really like being coached by you. They don't have to like every little thing you do, but on the whole, do they like being coached by you and are you making a positive impact in their lives?

Its funny how true that is...

One year I was walking down the hallway and this LITTLE freshman was giving on of our paraprofessionals a ration of grief! I stopped and told him that you are in high school now, you don't treat people that way. He said, do you know who am? Of course I didn't... he proceeds to tell me his name and that his dad is the Superintendent... and of course I recognized the name. I told him that I didn't care, you are NOT going to treat my staff members that way.

2 days later I am going to get a cup of cofee and who do I meet in the hallway? Dr. and Mrs X ... I stopped to say hello, Dr. X says hello Ken, this is my Wife. She said, I understand that you met my son ****** the other day. I said yes, he is a nice boy and we had a little conversation about high school. She looks around and says.... IF that little S*** steps out of line again, you have my permission to kick his butt.

Then they both said that he had talked about me at the dinner table and that he respected and liked me. Funny how we come across to some people and how they react to us.

Names and language was changed to protect the innocent.

I have always used this approach, criticize an individual in private, complement a great play in front of the entire team. This story goes back a few years, I had a wonderful player that eventually went onto star at the University of Montan. However, her father, a former track athlete at Michigan State, was a complete jerk. He was always on his daughter for one thing or the other. I had no reason, as a coach, to qkuestin her play but everything she did was never good enough for her blowhard father. One day we were playing a game in a small gym which prompted the father to stand behind our bench. that particular day, his onslought was non-stop. Sarah, what are you doing, Sarah what a stupid pass, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah..I finaly asked him to cool it, that he was making his kid nervous. He igored me and kept it up. I called a time out to ask the refs to get this guy from hehind my bench. As the players were coming over for the time-out, he was still talking to his daughter. She had the ball in her hand, and threw it, not at him but at me. She then ran off the floor crying. The father followed her into the dressing room then came out a few minutes later saying, "its ok, you will have a better player now"..Which prompted me to say, "I had a pretty good player before the incident. Following the game, I asked the player why she threw the ball at me. She said "I trusted you that you would not retaliate", if I threw it at my father, he would have beaten me up. I was shocked, to the point that i ended up reporting this person to childrens services. It prompted an investigation and I never knew the results but the father called me and was not happy he said he was pulling her off my team. The player refused to leave the team and I kepts her with the undersstanding that the father would be under a gag order. One negitive comment during games and he would be removed, it worked. he learned to shut up. NOw, maybe I shouldnt have brought in social services however, if a kids well being comes into quesiton something has to be done. More kids have been ruined by over bearing parents. Finally I have said to a parent, "I wont go to your office and tell you how to do your job, Please dont tell me how to do mine. Hope this helps Coach Mac

I guess we all have some stories like this.... Coaching a 6th grade team at the time.... this one guy sitting behind me overheard me say this one kids name.... so the whole game he is ..... XXXXXX this and that.... Finally I had enough, I called a time out... was talking to my team very calmly telling them what they needed to do..... and then I looked up at this guy and said... and whatever you do, don't listen to this jerk behind us. I was pretty young then... maybe 22 and IF I had that to do over again I wouldn't have done that..... but at least he got the message and stopped talking to my players... come on, they were 11-12?

Hi Ken: Just trying to clarify a time ....lets see, you were 22, was that during the Nailsmith era and waht was Phog Allen really like? Coach Mac

We were still using Peach Baskets ..... Funny thing I do remember was shooting at a bushel basket nailed to a telephone pole at my cousins house. Being a late bloomer I think my first jump shot came was when I was 16. My friend asked me when I got a jump shot.... told him... JUST NOW. Surprised me too.

Now that should take care of all the put downs on me... were you using double runners when you first started playing hockey? :-)

Peach baskets huh? I’m afraid I can’t top that one. Ken? Did you happen to see my personal e-mail to you on your aol account a few weeks back?

Since we’re telling a few yelling related stories, I’ll throw in a quick one. A few years back (7th grade), we were playing in a regional tournament. I had a kid on the team from a single parent home, dad wasn’t too involved in seeing games (in fact, he’d only been to one or two over the span of 30+ games that summer), but decided to show up to our tourney. Keep in mind we’re playing up a level, so the refs are letting the kids play a bit, but nothing out of the norm for a competitive tourney.

At the beginning of the 2nd qtr, this dad starts laying into the refs in a loud way. “Start calling fouls! This isn’t football!” type stuff. After listening to several of those and hearing it escalate, I call time out and tell my assistant to go tell this guy to chill. My assistant is a big guy 6’ 4” 210lbs, this guy is 5’9” 160lbs. Seems like it worked, for a short while as I didn’t hear anything from him. Midway through the quarter he moves closer to the floor and starts telling the refs he’s going to “pull his kid from the game because they can’t call it right” and other fun stuff. My assistant talks with him again and it seems to work. With 2 minutes left in the 2nd qtr, the other coach calls time out. My players come into the huddle and the next thing I know this guy is out in the middle of the court right in the refs face screaming at the top of his lungs. My assistant runs out and ushering him off to a corner of the gym with the guy jumping back at the refs like he’s ready to fight. The refs come to me and tell me I’ll get T’d up if I don’t get him under control.

A few seconds later, he yells some type of racial slur at one of the refs and they eject him from the game. I get a T and my assistant has to escort him past our bench and parents, then along their bench and parents. Of course, some of their parents start yelling stuff at him, he yells more racial slurs, guys are starting to threaten to come out of the stands. Nasty scene.

I ended up apologizing to the other coach. Told him the guy never comes to games and I didn’t see it coming at all.

I was going to have a come to Jesus meeting with him, but he never showed up again. Felt bad for his son who had to finish the game after that whole debacle. Mom was embarrassed and kept apologizing. Fortunately, we had some cool kids and parents who handled as well as anyone could.

Rob -

I replied to that e mail twice... didn't you get it ? If not, please send something to me again and I will try and make sure that you get it. I hope your son is doing alright now. But get back to me.... I was going to try and e mail you again to see how things are going. Let me know how things are going Rob.

The reason that you cant top Coach Mac and I is very simple... We are like 3 years older than you. LOL

As for the gentleman this was/is out of control.... the director of the league needs to let him know that he is NOT welcome at any more games for the remainder of the year. Its a shame, I feel bad for his son and all the kids that have to witness that type of behavior. He is lucky that the refs didn't press charges for assault.