Dont let parents drive you out of coaching, it happened to me and I lost all focus and drive with the team and we went through a season only winning 2 games out of 22. I will be following this advice next year, and hope I can have a successful season....

Excellent, a lot of that was basic stuff, but its amazing how it can get overlooked with all the others things that are done and prepared for during the preseason. Thanks for the resource! Well done as always

We have a new coach that doesn't know the players. He is starting players that haven't ever started, nor should be, as better, more experienced players sit on the bench ? When my player ask what do I need to do to get more playing time and be a starter again, he reply's, your doing great ? What ? She has ask several times and he doesn't have answer ? Now I'm ready to ask him myself. How would you approach this ? I coached Middle School and have AAU team and have coached for years and stress to my players to play in off season, and then they get a coach that starts girls that play one time a year ? Doesn't send good message ! I don't want to be criticle of his coaching ability, but my daughter and others may not return next year and mine has played since she was 7 and I want her to stay involved with the team spirit. Thank you.

I appreciate these articles. I've been coaching various youth sports for the past 2 years. Your articles pertain to all youth sports.

Thank you for some new ideas. I like the idea of deferral to the next day if a parent is upset, the advantages are numerous. Thanks again.

A lot of good advice in this section. I have also found that most kids see to carry the same attitude of their parents as far as game attitude, and the way they deal with referees. To me that situation needs to be delt with also. thanx for the info.

Hey Coach P...
I say reverse some of the things straight out of this article! Ask this coach if he can please provide a document or verbal explanation to the parents of his overall coaching philosophy, criteria for playing time, and overall expectations on the kids. Propose a parents' meeting where he can address this to the whole team.
Have your daughter and others go back to him and ask for specific details of what they should do to become a starter, or better yet, what have they not done/done wrong to lose their spot as a starter. If they get another vague reply, then it's appropriate time for you to address the coach personally. But again, reverse the article notes... remain very calm and collective, focus on only your daughter, and be sure to do this in private and away from game days. If you get clear answers, then you can go to other parents and suggest that they do the same, or perhaps close the conversation with the coach with a suggestion that he address this with the team as a whole.

This is so on time for me! I am having a coaches/parents meeting today and I was so unsure as to what I should say. Man, you guys are great! Thanks!

I don't have to worry about too much - I have 8 players. The league I coach in states each will play at least 1 half except for disciplinary reasons (insufficient grades, attendance, etc).

Works pretty good except on tournament when we had to play 2 games back to back. The kids get pretty tired about 1/2 way into the second game and the other team has more players.

At any rate - thanks for the information. So far parents have not been a problem - indeed they've been very supportive but that can change from year to year. It's better to be prepared before it happens!

Caoch P,

I can relate to your situation. I have a similar one going on with my child.

I just told my son just to stay positive and work harder.

But it is frustrating when there can't be civil communication between parents and coaches and they have already made up thier minds and don't give the kids an equal look.

Need advice from the other side. Although I''ve never been paid for coaching I played for and learned from a very successful college coach. My youth teams have been successful because of a firm belief in fundamentals and team work. These kids including my son are now on the middle school team whose coach admitted at the parent''s mtg he''s not there to emphasize fundamentals but to only work on team concepts. For the first time, these kids are practicing everyday which would give them the reps necessary to really learn skills. I have quietly watched his practices and games for years and believe he is doing these kids a disservice. His comment was that fundamentals were learned in the offseason. I happen to believe that ms coaches have to be the teachers especially for those like my son who want to play in high school. Changing schools is not an option. I do not want to be an "over-zealous parent" but want these guys to get a better foundation before high school. Advice?

Coach D,

I did just that I was told by my son that the coach told the teams that some of you have been talking with your parents and that he does not want anything repeated and does not want the parents coming up to the school or calling him about your positions or which team you are on.

Nice huh.....Keep in mind this is middle school.

I don't want to put any further pressure on my son, or black ball him with the coaches.

Karl,

If you're watching the practices, ask the coach for a time to visit apart from practice. Let him know that you appreciate the work on teamwork, which is important as Basketball is a team sport - but that you feel that teaching fundamentals is important too and that you're willing to work with the team as a volunteer on a portion of the practices to teach solid fundamentals. That way you're not a "nagging parent" - you're offering your view and a possible solution.

Just a thought...

Rocky

This is my first year coaching at the Jr.High level. I have had a parent come up to me and questioned why their kids wasn't getting alot of playing time. I just calmly explained that one of there kids missed a week of practice due to grades, and the other was still having trouble adjusting to the new position he was placed in because of size and speed. I explained my goals and expectations of each player and said playing time comes from practice and how well they perform in games.

Great article with lots of practical information. We told parents of our 5th grade squad before the season that playing time would be equal (even though the league didn't require it), the players would rotate positions during the season and our goals were for players to have fun and learn b-ball fundamentals. For the team, we implemented three rules: 1) have fun, 2) TEAM and 3) r-e-s-p-e-c-t. In the middle of every practice, we have a 5-10 minute huddle/water break, where the players discusses what the rules mean, we talk about b-ball rules or discuss another topic.

Thanks. I am having her try to ask one more time and if he doesn't respond, I will talk to him myself. I have never felt any player(s) are suppose to be a starter, but I do feel it is a coaches responsibility to inform his or her players on what they need to do or work on to gain more playing time. When you have players on the floor that are not cutting it and still want put better players in, then my opinion of you as a coach is, you aren't a true coach. Nothing wrong with having a pre determined line up, but once you put another player in and he or her is noticable better, then you make the change ! There is Rec league - and then there is School ball. Amazing what I see in both these leagues today !! ?

Coach P,

What age are these girls?

Coach P,

I've learned from John Wooden and Morgan Wootten that the 5 "Best" players don't necessarily make the best team. You need role players that do the other little things well such as rebounding, playing defense, handling the ball, etc.

I also know some coaches like to leave their 3rd and 4th best players on the bench, so they have some firepower coming off the bench.

As for discussing playing time I have told parents that we won't discuss that and we won't discuss other parents kids. I have said in a parents meeting before "if Mr. Jones thinks his kid should be playing in front of Mr. Smiths kid then Jones should go to Smith and say "my kid should be playing in front of your kid Smith". If Mr Smith says "yea Jones your right" then they came come to me and I will consider the change. Of course you know no parent is going to go to another parent because its easier to claim your son isn't playing for reasons like the coach doesn't like my son or politics.
On the subject of politics I might add this. There should be none. If coaches don't take anything from parents then coaches don't owe parents anything. I have been offered free dinners and drinks, beach front condos, lake front condo's, free tickets to major league games and I refuse everything like that so I don't owe a parent anything. I have had many parents make substanial contributions to the baseball program and I explain to them that before I accept anything they have to acknowledge that their donation is for the benefit of the baseball program and not because they think it will buy playing time or a starting position. Parents at the HS level especially make coaching very difficult but if you are honest and up front with people it helps a great deal.

High School - I agree with having some players on the bench for other reasons, but when a coach isn't using players as you stated, then I have a problem with it. As I stated, just tell your players what your doing and why and what you expect of them, this way it isn't taken personal, that isn't happening at our H.S. ? Again, I prefer to stay out of it, and will, but I want sit back with out questions and watch 1 coach tear my player down mentally with out reason. Thanks

I also have had parent problems. I coach a 4-6th grade school basketball team, with 12 players, which in my opinion is too many. Anyway, during our first game, it was our halftime. One of the parents nicely came to me and started telling me what I ought to do. Then while I was in the huddle with my players, he started talking to them and telling them what to do. He is not even the assistant coach, I am the only coach on the team. As soon as the game is over, another parents approached me and told me that I need to spend more time with them, because they look like they don't have a clue what they are doing. Then another parent told me that I should not play any other players but the oldest most skilled. The other young non seasoned need to be benched, and that I should treat it as do professional coaches. Well my philosophy 'was' equal playing time. What if some of the younger ones are late bloomers. Anyway, my confidence in coaching my team has been shot. I no longer have the desire to coach. Because the parents have a win at all costs attitude, then infects their kids, who now don't want to learn to fundamentals in practice. All they do is whine and complain. I'm at my wits end and its only my first game. Does anyone have any advice? I'm a young first time 27yr old coach. I love working with youngs kids. But if its gonna be like this, this will be my first and last coaching season.


Coach R

We live in a smaller school district where enrollment is dwindling. I have coached 4 years of t-ball, with 36 kids on the team the last year I coached it, I coached my 2 older daughters in basketballwhen they were in 5-8 grade, I have coached my youngest daughter for 2 years in softball and I am coaching my son''s 5th grade basketball team this year. I have coached his team since he was in 3rd grade. The first year he was in basketball, we had 9 players on the team. I am a firm believer in teaching the fundamentals at this age doing a lot of repetition in practice. Last year I had 7 kids as some of the parents did not like one of the dad''s helping me at practice and the games the previous year. The dad believes in discipline like I do, but is a bit more louder than I am. He ensures the kids are listening and paying attention during practice and doing the drills correctly. This year I had 6 players, until the one mom blew up at us, yelled at us and swore at us. It was our 4th practice, hadn''t had a game yet, and we finally had all 6 kids at the practice because the flu bug had been going around. When the mom dropped her son off for practice, she jumped all over the dad at first and then at both of us and demanded to know how much playing time her son was going to get, and that he should be playing point guard as she believed that is the most important position on the team. I informed her that all positions are equally important as this is a team sport and I didn''t know anybody''s position yet as we hadn''t had a chance to set up offensive plays yet because we hadn''t had everyone at all of the practices. She swore at me, and pulled her son and made him quit. The dad asked her as she was leaving, ''so you''re going to make your son pay the price, and not let him play now?''. She left. This is a team that is totally voluntary and not through the school. This mom happens to be the elementary/middle school secretary at the school we practice at. These kids see her every day and heard her yelling and swear at us. I forgot to mention, I am a MOM who is coaching, I am also on the school board at the school. I also went to high school with this mom. These kids have a great opportunity to learn and play because of the small number of kids and I want them to learn. Our first game is tomorrow, and we now have just 5 on the team, so I have had to ask another boy from a neighboring school to play so I have an extra player to sub in. Question--Would you mention the situation to the school principal about the parent''s behavior?

Coach R,

You are the coach. There's nothing wrong with politely reminding parents that you are the coach and to please refrain from making any suggestions during games as they should be there to encourage from the sideline. Acknowledge that they have good intentions but during game time they are serving as a distraction and are not assisting.

Then kindly suggest that if they choose to discuss with you any concerns to please do it during non-game and non-practice times.

Coach R,

I have two suggestions. First try to implement some of the things in this article. You might not be able to implement everything until next year, but you could still have a mid-season parents meeting and/or send a letter. Or just talk to parents individually.

Next, don't get too discouraged. Some groups are just a pain (the parents). Next year could be an incredible experience and be wonderful group. Implementing some of the tips in this article will help next year. Starting off right certainly helps. I have had years where the group of kids (and parents) were an absolute joy to work with. Just such good people and supportive. Then the next year some of the people were not very supportive. It was a frustrating year and it made me want to quit. But more times than not, we had awesome supportive parents.

Good luck!

Coach C,

My suggestion is to do what is best for the players. Don't worry about anything else or any politics and teaching any parents lessons. Only you or someone close to the situation could know what is best for the kids. Always do whats best for the team and help as many players as you can. Make sure you consider what is best for the long term too. Good luck!

Coach R - This article is the way to handle your parent problem. The key is setting the rules up front. Be calm, but firm. After your season is over they can choice what they want to do then, till then your in charge of building the team, not them ! I hate to break the news to you, but you will always have parent issues unless you only have 5 players on your team, sorry ! Don't give up, you sound like your in it for the right reasons, thats the only reason I still coach and have summer BB camp, the kids. Don't lose sight of that.

I coach players of high school age and have done so for over 30 years, both boys and girls. I have found that the most successful way of dealing with parents is to have a winning season. When you win, everyone is happy. Of course, losing has the revers effect and then parents start to comment among themselves and ask questions. Becoming tired of these questions, and often confrontations, I now add an extra sentence to my Introductory letter - "I have no problems with parents; I usually suggest the alternative". If I am confronted, I give the parent a fair hearing unless it becomes personal at me or any of the other players. Then I respond with - "If you are not happy, there is your child & there is the door: goodbye". I have found that by directing responses to what is often the parent's ego, things settle down and we can get on with business. In all the years, I have only had one parent withdraw his son and I feel we were better without him.

thanks for this new letter i think it will help me out alot with how to deal with parents.

I coach high school varsity. At the parents meeting, I include a letter (name blacked out) that our superintendent received from a parent of a player on another team, calmly describing an incident where some of our parents were calling the player derogatory names. I have them read it. The results are the same...stunend silence. I tell them flat out that is unacceptable. This past year, our players wrote a letter to their parents and two had the guts to stand up before them and read it...asking them to use good manners and sportsmanship at games. This past season was the best we ever had. No, they don't always agree with everything I do. But they were civil and behaved well.

I always chose to keep up to 15 players on a team, but could only suit up 12 players. In an international setting there are huge demands placed on students academically and more than once a practice player wound up with a uniform.

I always had an inter-squad game before the season started followed by a parent meeting. 7-8 players on each side, evenly divided. The team captain was introduced (elected by the players), handouts shared, etc:
I clearly stated my own philosophy, our program was so strong that many times the subs got more clock than the starters. My favorite quote from this meeting?
"you can talk to me about any subject in the world, religion, politics..but one thing you will never ask me about is why your son does not play more. You need to ask him, and if he cannot give you an answer, that is exactly the problem. He is not listening."
In 19 seasons I had only one parent who did not really get it. I also kept impeccable statistics and had the players use them to set personal goals.

Coach P- Understand that I have no firsthand knowledge of your situation but it would appear to me that you may need to put yourself in your daughters coaches shoes. There is a reason this coach is seeing fit to give more playing time to other players. Playing year-round and in other leagues would make little difference to a new coach who only has seen his players in practice and games. It is quite possible that the players you desire to see with more playing time may have a little bit of an attitude or work ethic problem. If these players think they deserve more playing time based on what they have done outside of this team then it could be understandable that they are not doing what it takes to earn time on this team. It would be rare for a coach to make decisions that are counterproductive to his own teams success. Always look within first before assuming someone else motives are not the best.

Coach R- We have all been there (or will be) but I implore you to not give up based on a bad first experience. The previous posters are correct; You will have both good and bad parent experiences and it will vary from season to season. Follow the guidelines in this article and you will eliminate many of the headaches. Working with kids is great and something you should not deprive yourself of simply due to some overzealous parents. Do all you can to address these issues up front and then realize that, from time to time, you will still need to deal with unhappy parents. If you give them your philosophy, rules, playing time criteria, etc., you will be in a much better position to deal with these problems and to have the confidence in knowing you are handling them correctly.

I thoroughly enjoyed this article and subject. Upon reflection there are several elements that I have practiced intuitively but you have broadened my scope of information that will provide an expanded framework in working with parents now and in the future.

Thanks for a well thought out and written article.
Chuck Atwater-Coach Powerstroke Athletic Club
www.basketballdrillsforbeginners.org

As someone who has coached high school, youth basketball, and been a player at a 4 yr college, whose career profession is as a teacher, and who sons are now playing high school basketball, it is surprising to see how coaches think different rules apply to them, than one an instructor in classroom does. You couldn't very well say to a parent wanting to visit a class their student is taking you're not allowed, we have a closed class (as in a closed practice). Furthermore, at the school my sons attend, I've never seen a group of coaches (a lot of turnover has occurred, with each year the coaches being more and more suspect), not understanding talent, skill, or the bigger prospects of explaining what they are doing and why.The coaches seem more concerned with teaching plays, and then developing players/skills. Players have been in this current regime's program for two years with no apparent growth having taking placed, with no effort on the coaches part to develop players. My sons have started/start and been/are captains, because their skill level, understanding of the game (basketball IQ) is more developed than the players they play with, and their games are developed and diverse. But at each turn, they have been met with coaches who are unwilling to fully "listen" and "respect" players like my sons who ask why, and want to understand what they are doing and why they seem content to teach spots instead of the game -- maybe due to their own limitations. I tape games, and good relationships with previous coaches at our school, and don't understand what these guys are seeing, much less doing. So, as a parent, how do I handle that? The perception is the parent is a "problem" but what happens when a parent is experienced and understand the game? I have coaches demanding my sons catch passes with a two-foot jump, and to only shoot lay-ups off of jump-stops. I tell my kids those things are situational I do skill work with them all the time, and stress diversity of their game, and being to do different things depending on the context of the situation. I try to give coaches their space even though I don't agree with what's happening. Sooo frustrated!

Abu -

For every person like you who really knows the game there are a 100 in the stands that "think they know the game."

Every coach (as you well know, from your own experiences) has their own philosophy... and we don't want to have to explain everything we do. You wouldn't want a parent coming into your classroom questioning your style of teaching and what you are teaching. (unless their kids were telling them that there was something wrong)

Its very hard to deal with every parent because they are only interested in their kids... not the team / whole picture.

I really don't know this situation, but you could always give the coach a call and see if he will meet with you regarding his program. You will have to tread lightly here since you don't want to put him on the defensive. He might be a young / inexperienced coach at this level and is on a learning curve himself.... so be patient.

As for the jump stop, a lot of coaches are going to this - I like that in the lane or for short range stuff.... but not outside the arc..JMO. Some players will do better with layups using a jump stop IF they are on their off hand side... there is so much to teach in this game as you well know.

I had to coach in a field house, sharing with some other things going on from time to time.. I got to the point that I locked the door so I could have some peace and quiet.
As for parents, few wanted to watch our practices but I wouldn't have had a problem with that... but thats just me.

Again, be patient here and try to talk to him outside of the gym area... no one wants to think that he or his philosophy is under attack.
You have been in his situation... or at least have been coaching, neither of us really know what is going on at their practices other than what your sons are telling you. Two sides to every story?

I hope you can work this out without alienating the coach and causing problems for your sons. Good luck.

Abu - You bring up some good points. Coach Sartini also has excellent points. I will just add this...

All you can do is act as maturely and professionally as you possibly can. Set a great example for your son. Try to communicate in a mature and professional way. Try to offer solutions by seeking to understand where the coaches are coming from.

But also realize and accept that there are some things you can't control. Just like in basketball, you can't always control whether the refs call a foul, what your opponent does defensively, whether your teammate throws a bad pass, or even if you miss a shot. There are so many things you can't control. But you can control your effort, attitude, sportsmanship, character, and ethics 100% of the time!

You are going to run into bad coaches (not saying this coach is bad or not). You are going to run into bad bosses and co-workers. You are going to have bad teachers. That is life. So I think the most important thing is to instill the right qualities with your child and look at this is an opportunity. This is an opportunity to learn how to deal with situations. No matter what happens in basketball, there is always an opportunity to learn.

Teach your child perseverance, positive thinking, how to be proactive, work ethic, communication skills, being honest, character and integrity, and so on. You can also working on skills. If your does this, and he ENJOYS the moment, he will be successful in future basketball endeavors and life.

Just something to think about. Because frankly, I'm not sure there is anything you can do other than make the best of the situation.

PS. I know a few good coaches that go to jump stops on lay ups. I am not one of those coaches but I know others that do it because they are so tired of the majority of their players missing lay ups. They find that teaching jumps stops only cuts down on missed lay ups.

Great additions Jeff...

You always bring more insights to the questions / problems. I love reading your posts and Joes.

ALL THE DESCRIBED INF,ARE SO PRECIOUS FOR ANY COACH IN ORDER TO COMPLETE HIS DUTIES SUCCESSFULLY.

Have coached AAU and currently middle school ball. Have used a contract for last 10 years and have had just 1 parent issue in all this time. Communication is the key.

What I have not read is what the coaches are doing in the off season to prepare their players. Of course High School has different rules, but middle school, where fundamentals are the key to success for the High School program is essential.

We have open gym workouts during the summer. Though not a cure all, it provides parents an opportunity to help (which I encourage as we have 20-40 players each Saturday participate). It shows them what we are trying to accomplish. They must understand, it is your program and your decisions will not be influenced by their helping.

At the middle school level, it is work on fundamentals, get them to work as a team, and prepare them for High School.

There is always something new to learn, and this issue is outstanding. Will parts of this in my contract I do not use now.

Thank you

Coach H -

They should thank you!!

You are doing the things that every high school coach dreams about.... a middle school coach that teaches fundamentals and has the goal of preparing his players to play at the next level.

God Bless and keep up the good work.

Someone Please share some insight!
My son is in jr. little league, age 13. This year is the first year that the league has hired paid coaches.(no more Dad coaching) These coaches are supposed to get the kids ready for high school baseball.
In the pre-season, the games really mean nothing and the kids are encouraged to have fun, perfect their skills and get in shape for the playoffs.
The coach our team has never smiles or says good job to the kids. He is always pointing out what they did wrong and punishing them for their mistakes. I understand kids need to know what they are doing wrong to correct their mistakes. But the coach just says, "you are the laziest kid I've ever meet" or "you're such a baby to cry because you got beamed in the back by the pitcher". I feel he should have a better way of presenting the kids with their mistakes. You can encourage a child to correct his mistakes or be a better player by firing them up, not demoralizing them in front of the whole team. The coach singles out each kid that screwed up in the field in front of the team. They are feeling like they can't do anything right and are starting to dislike the game. We've had 3 kids quit already. Now we have only 10 players. I'd like to say something to the Coach that I understand he wants them to improve, but there has to be a way of communicating that. How about telling them that he knows they can get that grounded out ball if they get their glove down on the ground. Instead he's punching them in the stomach by telling them that they are the worst player he's seen and the laziest kid on the team.
My son use to love baseball, but now is getting a bad taste in his mouth because of this coach. I've told him he can change teams, but he loves his team not his coach.
help...
Thanks

Denise -

I know that there are always two sides to every story, but IF he is doing the things you describe here, it leaves you with a couple of options.

1- Get the parents together and have a FRIENDLY talk with him about what he is saying to the kids. Try to keep this friendly because NO coach likes to be "attacked"

2- You can pull your kid off that team and go to another team... IF that was my son, he would be gone.

3- Your group can always go to the head of this league or whoever is running this program and explain your problems... you can always ask him to stop by and watch what he is doing from a distance.

This is supposed to be fun and a learning situation and it doesn't seem to be either.
JMO

The coach most likely has good intentions but has poor role models. If you watch TV he is doing what you see college and pro coaches do - yelling and getting upset about every little mistake. And at first correcting every mistake seems like the right things to do. But clearly that doesn't work well especially at the youth level. There are lots of coaches that do this. It's just how it is in all sports.

I think if the coach had the opportunity to learn this lesson and reflect on these methods, he might change. But having a parent on the team tell you how to coach usually doesn't change anything.

I don't know what the answer is but clearly there is a better way and Coach Sar gives you good options. Maybe the league administrators can provide the coach with some Positive Coaching resources.

Here is something else that you might want to check into.... its the Positive Coaching Alliance.



http://www.positivecoach.org/

http://www.positivecoach.org/our-tools/tools-for-coaches/

This might be something that the parents can look at and certainly something that you should forward to the league administrator.

Jeff, are you and Joe coming the the Bball clinic in Libertyvill in June?

I'm a young coach (20 years old) of an AAU middle school team. I coached last year also and had absolutely no parent problems. This year on the other hand I have had

Coach -

Welcome to the world of coaching today .. there seems to be a lot of that in today's world.

The best way of (at least trying ) to prevent things like this happening is to have a pre-season meeting so that you can discuss your philosophy and expectations of your players and the parents.

Remember, EVERYBODY in the stands is a coach and they have NEVER lost a game.. relax and have FUN with your kids and make sure they know what you expect of them. Be firm, fair and consistent... IF they know YOU CAREabout them ( more than just basketball players ) they will do their best for you and the team.

Good luck.

Great article. As a national baseball coach for the last 15 years, I agree that parents can make it a miserable task. I tell them at the beginning of the year that I am responsible for their baseball training and not to have to deal with their parents. My goal is to help each player improve and hopefully enough to go to the next level and succeed. That takes enough time and energy. I have none left for dealing with overzealous parents. http://baseballinstructionalvideos.net

This is really great information! Luckily, I have had great parent support and participation so far. However, there's plenty here that will be implemented immediately.

This article is from the "coaches are gods" play book. What other professional that spends 20 hours a week with your kid is exempt from being accountable to parents when the parent thinks something needs questioning? There is an appropriate time and place, but Yes, Coach, i will ask about how my child is doing or ask for information about what your assessment is of my childs role on the team...if you don't like it....YOU should go to another school and coach other kids whose parents don't mind you being defensive and above questions about your behavior.

Davy -

I don't see that..... I think that most coaches just don't want to get attacked... and I have seen it, physically and verbally.

IF you have a question/problem with a coach, call him and make an appointment, away from games and practices.

Nothing wrong with asking a coach about how your son is doing.. just remember, we work with them 5 days - sometimes 6 days a week and you see them on game day.

If a coach is acting poorly and is a bad role model, you have every right to talk to him and discuss it... and if that doesn't work, go to the AD.

Most coaches wont talk about playing time or their philosophy... those are the coaches jobs and their right - most of them have paid their dues to be in that position. Again, IF his behavior is bad... then you have every right to talk to him and the AD.

Just remember, IF you want to talk to a coach, make sure that you don't come across as being aggressive. I never had a problem talking to a parent as long as it was a calm discussion. IF I felt that I ( or one of my staff members ) were going to be attacked I would make sure the AD was involved.

I wonder how many parents would be ok with an honest evaluation of how good their child was? ( and what he/she needed to do to improve ) A lot of parents think ( not saying you ) that their kid is the next MJ.

I was helping a 12 year old boy with his shot... it was pretty good except that he finished with both hands. I was trying to correct that ( I felt that this kid could be an excellent high school player ) The father wanted to know how many games I had won as a high school coach.... what does that have to do with the price of tea in China? I asked him what year? Then I said that when I had GREAT / GOOD shooters we won a lot of games.... and when I didn't, we lost. Simple game, you score, you can win, you don't score, you lose. JMO

I find it amazing how many parents commenting on here know more about basketball than the coach. It sure is easy to be an expert from the stands.

Playing time and coaching philsophy are decisions the coach is either being paid to make or has volunteered his/her time to make. Let him/her make those decisions.These types of decisions do not concern the parent. Your job is to be in the stands and support the team.

Grant -

Obviously you read my comment... I think I would just like to add this to your comment.

Fans / parents - This job is hard enough without people in the stands trying to "coach" from there. IF you really want to coach, get your own team.... you will find out very quickly that its not as easy as you might think.

It's not just throwing the ball out there and letting them play. You make 5 kids and parents happy, the rest find all kinds of reasons why you are not doing a good job.

Quick story - One coach had been getting harrassed for now playing some kids.... he had enough and at one game he put out 10 players.... the ref told him that you know you cant do that.... I will have to give you Ts for the other 5 players... he said, go ahead, THAT is who I am putting on the floor. Game starts, he gets 5 Ts, he turns to the stands and says.... " See, I told you that I can only play 5! "

Coach, this is good advice to follow but is not always done. I have coached my kids through the years and have always been harder on them than the rest of the team while keeping a leval playing field for all the kids. I was the coach that tried to teach the kids and play them without favoritsm. But now that they are in high school , I have found it not to be a leval playing field for the kids at all. Our high school is loaded with the so called small town politics. It is where if you are related to someone in the school system or members of the booster club youre kids are handed everything.Case in point the coach tells everyone that they will be doing camps during the summer and to email him if your interested. So we email him only to to get a response ,that they are not doing any. Come to find out he not only coach several of the kids at a camp and he also coached them during a summer league.Now these are the only kids that he plays. Now to give you an Idea we are talking basketball, at 6'' 6" , 205 lbs my son is clearly the tallest on the team next is 6''3" and the rest go 5'' 10- 6''. I son tells me on a consistant basis that offensivly the other kids can''t stop him from scorring in practice and defensivly they won''t try drive on him as he usually blocks their shots.
Second point is they played a scrimage and the coach played him for about 15 min of the 40. He goes 9 for 9 from the floor ,blocks 4 shots, 5 rebounds and 4 assits. The coach has played him a total of 6mins since then,4 second in one game yes 4 seconds, we are in the 7th game of the season (record 3-4). My son has tried to talk him about why he''s not playing and the coach tells him I''ll get you in but It has to the right situation.Did''nt say anything about him not hustling or his attitude or anything to that nature.
As a parent what do you tell your child in this situation, or what do you say to the coach. I tried to watch a practice to see what was going on, the coach immeadiatly told me leave and that it was a closed practice and it''s only open to players and former players( I could have been a real pain and told him I not only a Alumni but also a former player) which I left.My wife ran into the head of school sytem and said how they were not having a good season and he told her to get used to it.
Now maybe you and the other coaches could give me some advice on how to handle a situation like this. a kid who is extremly discouraged and wants to quit, and to a parent who feels that your child is being slighted.

Randy -

This is tough to answer since we are only hearing your side of the story. I sure would like to hear what the coach has to say.

Not sure why he has a closed practice, especially of a parent.

Looking at your son's size.... hard to understand why he isn't playing... (along with his stats)

Has your son tried to talk to the coach and ask what he needs to do to better himself and get more playing time.

If that doesn't work, call the coach and asking for a meeting to discuss your son's situation and what he needs to improve upon to get more playing time. You can always go to the AD also.

If you don't come away with a satisfactory solution... is there another school in town that he could go to? At 6'6" I would think that other schools would have some interest in him.

The article is good for the most part. You do, however, need to remember one thing. You are there for the kids, not vice-versa. Check your attitudes at the door and treat every kid with respect.
Also, parents should never have to move a kid because of a coach. I know my opinion may not be popular here as this seems to be a coaches forum, but I have been successful (as so many coaches have) in my 30+ seasons coaching. You will have more longevity in the business if you AWAYS keep the kids needs in front of your own ego.

Will -

How right you are.... the problem comes when the coach thinks more about his W/L record than the kids he is working with. I don't see anything wrong with your thoughts.

I coached a LONG time also....and I was able to do this beause I didn't take the game home with me. I didn't make any RASH decisions after a game, bad or good. NEVER make any decisions when you are angry.

I tell this to coaches all the time... " Don't make any decisons now, go home and sleep on it, then make a calm decision in the morning.

Have been posting about son's coach now for the past couple of weeks. I do not know how to coach, nor do I tell him how to coach. But my son is just 11 years old, others on team are 12. Son has sat on bench entire season so far. Great practices. But coach says he will not play an idividual where they will fail? He made the team, play him, for gosh sakes. Again, don't know what coach is thinking, but know son is feeling bad. Only 4 more games to go in season, thank goodness. Hoping for 'some' playing time soon

(aka Coach Sar)

Hang in there, its almost over. I hope this guy finds some PT for your son.

Don't even try to get into this coaches head.... We ARE a strange breed LOL Its not an easy job but you know how I feel about this age group.

Let them play and have FUN.

Enjoy the rest of the year and move on. :-)

So it comes to this - little over half of the season has gone by - the team is not a team at all - a senior ball-hog and an upcoming sophomore ball-hog making playing on the team simply unbearable. My daughter has been playing basketball since 2nd grade. She made the JV team as a 7th grader and the Varsity as an 8th grader - she's a sophomore now and 3rd season on the Varsity, second as a starter. She is a very talented player - great defender and percentage wise is the best shooter on the team. The season started off great - the girls really trying to be a team and playing as such. My daughter was the top scorer until the 11th game. Her shot is off and besides that she doesn't get a chance really to shoot that much because she plays team ball - not hog-ball like the senior does. The senior is a good player - little too aggressive on defense as she has fouled out of 5 games (first three) and got close a couple other times. For the senior - it's all about being the high scorer - doesn't matter how the team is doing. The season is 2-11 right now - it was 4 and 14 last year. Points aren't really the issue since everyone knows the coach will put the senior up for All-Northern regardless of the points - just like last year (my daughter was the high scorer last year but didn't get nominated). Really, the coach is the problem... There is absolutely no discipline on the team, no skills building, no individual attention at practice (never once helped my daughter with her shot that's off - no recommendations or ideas); there is absolutely no "team" on this team. Now we have another sophomore that figures if the senior can get away with being a ball-hog so can I and so it perpetuates. In the end, my daughter has lost all passion for the game. She goes out on the floor and works her butt off to defend the best player on every team and then doesn't hardly ever get a chance to shoot on offensive - and we know she's lost passion because now she's passing off balls that she should be taking shots with... It's so frustrating to see what has happened to a very talented player - it breaks my heart that she just could care less about a sport she really used to love. She has even decided not to play AAU ball after the school season; up to 40 games she used to play off-season to better her skills - I guess she wonders what good it's for since when she gets back to her scholastic team - it really doesn't help because there is no-one grooming these girls to be team-players. We've always insisted that she see her commitments through to the end so quitting is not an option - but I hate to see her so disinterested in playing and we have 5 more games to go. Is there anything we can do as parents to encourage her to continue to do her best even if there is really no point? Maybe this wasn't the correct forum to post this but since you were talking about ball-hogs and that's what she has on her team which is like a virus to the whole squad - I thought I'd put this out there and see if anyone had any advice. Thanks.

Do you differentiate between "more playing time for my Honey BooBoo" parents, versus "are you adhering to the minimum playing time rules?" parents...?? I'm coming off of a situation (admittedly in different club sport) where my kid was having (over HALF of) his minimum playing time minutes, as prescribed by the league rules, siphoned off and given to the coaches' sons, who are starters and better athletes. I'm a youth coach myself, but I didn't see any avenue for my 9-year-old benchwarmer to question his coaches on very blatant league rule infractions, so I took the matter to them directly after game two. They defended their actions in the name of winning - and continued them for the remainder of the season. Literally half of the kid's minimum playing time went to the best players. So, if the team didn't win, at least the best players got better. I wrote a professional letter to the club management, and had my kid moved to a better situation within the organization. Was I wrong to stick up for my kid in this situation, are youth coaches always correct even when playing time rules are being flouted at the expense of weaker players in the vast majority of games..?

Cindy -

It seems like there is a lot of this going around.
With only 5 more games to go, I would encourage her to finish the season, doing her best (it a shot comes her way.. TAKE IT) and try to have fun. As for AAU, I would encourage her to continue this, who knows what will happen between the end of the season and next year. Maybe she will enjoy AAU ball more and who knows where that will take her.

Bob -

What you are experiencing is one of the things that is wrong with youth sports. 9 year old kids is about having FUN and learning the skills to play.... and NOT WINNING as the end all.!! I don't blame you for writing the letter and getting your kid moved to another team.

"are youth coaches always correct even when playing time rules are being flouted at the expense of weaker players in the vast majority of games..?"
There is a very simple answer to this question... the answer is NO.... it is coaches like this that ruins the games for young kids... they have no business coaching youth sports

Good luck and I hope your kid has a better experience with the new team..

How do you handle this situation? My son went to his new coach and asked him why he was not getting more playing time and what he could improve on. The coach told him he liked his game and he was just screwing him. He was a starter last year and this year on JV mostly on the bench. Comments????

You are kidding us right? His coach has a poor choice of words - hard to believe that he is serious. There has to be more to this than meets the eye???

How old is he and JV is sophomores or ??

I coach a youth basketball team of 3rd and 4th graders. In the past 2 games, and so far only 2 games, I have one parent coming up listening to my pre game directions in the huddle, coming up to me during the game, while the kids are actively playing, asking questions regarding the games defense, DURING the game! Its very frustrating to me, but I am not really sure what to say to him. Last game he sat on the bench with his son. I have an assistant coach on the bench with the kids, and my assistant thought it was someone from the league, not knowing it was a parent. This parent is not trying to impose his or any coaching tips or strategies on me, but its very distracting to be approached during a game, or watched closely during a huddle. I am not sure how to handle this in a kind way. I want to send him an email, but fear that the other parents might follow suit in his ways, since they have already watched it happen. On the other hand, if I send out a team email, I don't want him to feel singled out.

Here is something that you should do, probably before the season started... but thats past.... so....

Have a meeting with the team and parents... set out the rules... like no parents on the bench... being positive in the stands towards all the players.

Try to be positive with some team rules. Let them know what your goals are.... teaching some fundamentals and allowing these young kids to have fun.

The kids don't need a parent of fan leaning into your huddles distracting the players..... its tough enough keeping their attention at this age.

Good luck.

Please help
While taking footage of my 11 year old child I witnessed certain players being very unsportsmanlike. I then approached the coach who oversees about 70+ kids at training. While I was explaining the situation I was told not to tell him how to do his job repeatedly.

I tried to explain that I was only informing him as a concerned parent especially considering my child plays on the same team as these children.

I'm now second guessing myself. Should I have approached him?

Concerned parent.

Hard saying without knowing exactly what the kids were doing. If something inappropriate or something that will have a negative impact on the kids was happening, I think you should certainly let the coach know what is going on (like you said "inform" them in case they didn't notice).

But you have to be very careful when approaching coaches and it's usually better to start the conversation about something positive. Mention how much they are improving. Ask the coach for help (maybe ask a question about drills your son can do at home). Then insert the information about the the situation with the kids, just letting him know you thought he would appreciate the heads up in case he didn't notice it going on.

Some coaches are very sensitive because they have been beaten up so badly by a few overzealous parents who frankly are a little nuts. It's the most frustrating part of being a coach.. nothing like getting screamed at by an irate parent of a kid that you really care about. Not to mention the parents that think they have a better way to do things and know more than you -- criticizing every decision you make. So some coaches put a wall up. Not saying it's right. But that's what happens and I can definitely understand why.

I've seen and experienced all sides. I've been a coach at all levels (different sport). I've been the parent of multiple players, boys and girls. I generally have a lot of respect for those who coach youth and teens. I have seen not only bad coaches, but bad parents and players as well. It is likely that when I first started out, I myself was a "bad", or at least incompetent (I prefer inexperienced) coach.

So what can a parent do about an unreasonable coach who is either incompetent or plays favorites or politics etc. to the detriment of a player who is obviously (even after video review and comparison with the coach's stated methods of judging a player) superior?

There is no way to approach a coach and give your side without at least implying that their system or judgement is flawed even if you are most calm and polite and rational. I think most coaches either don't realize that or are just blowing smoke in your face when they say they are approachable. On the flip side it is their team as the article notes and they usually have the right to run it as they see fit. What a dilemma!

The recourse unfortunately, if you can't find a way to calmly convince the coach that you are right or get some parents together to complain to the AD or school board, is as the article stated, find a different program.

Before you complain about playing time, you have to also make darn sure your kid is one of the top five or six or eleven (depending on the sport) because to a coach, everyone else who is not a starter or a valued sub is pretty much equally inferior in ability and in those cases, it really is politics or favoritism (usually subconscious on the coach's part) or some subjective notion about upside, that gets them on the team or some playing time. There is no way around it that I can think of.

But I am glad that this article encourages coaches to find time for those players and find ways to develop them. Most competitive coaches I've seen don't care much to develop their lesser/younger players or don't know how.

bc -

We are all inexperienced when we start.... I probably gave "bad" a whole new meaning.

You are right, it is his team and he can run it anyway he sees fit. If talking to the Coach or the AD doesn't solve your problem... maybe it would be better to find a different program.

I'm not sure I agree with the part about the non valued sub.... every player on the team brings something ( as a coach, we would hope )
Tough defender, rebounder, can handle the ball a little bit? I remember putting in the 9th man, he played good D but got a T.... I could have ....................... took him out of the game and told him that he didn't have the right to do that to the rest of the team.... went back to coaching... we won the game on the last shot. Just recently I watched the game film.... he played great D and didn't make a mistake untill he opened his mouth.
Amazing what we can see when we are calm. Yes, there are times we keep kids just because we like them.... sometimes they turn out to be great players, it happens.

Regardless of the level I coached... we worked every player equaly in practice... with every drill, whether it be shooting, ball handling or defense. Game time, best players play... use the subs when you can or as you need them. Fortunately as a Varsity coach we had a JV team and the kids that didn't play in the varsity game played in the JV game. When I was the Sophomore coach, I played about 8-9 players unless the game dictated otherwise.

I think that most of my players over the years knew that I cared about all of them, not just as athletes, but as people. I tried to treat them all the same. I think thats all you can ask of a coach.