Dealing with parents?
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Author:  desmith7804 [ 24 Nov 2010, 16:14 ]
Post subject:  Dealing with parents?

Guys I am helping coach my 4th grade son bball team! I am NOT the head coach ! We had our first game Saturday and we made a mistake! We didn't pay attention to how little playing time 2kids got! We have 12 players on our team ! We felt bad discussed it and knew we had do better! All the kids got to play though so it wasn't like we completely forgot but that's not acceptable and we know that! Apparently one of these 2 kids parent felt a little ticked off! Last night at practice she ripped us a new one! We apologized and told her we had already discussed this amongst ourselves and knew that we let this happen! To make a long story shorter! I'm ok with her expressing her displeasure with us but my main concern now is she started throwing my son up in my face! He plays on this team and also plays up a grade on the 5th grade team! She said cause he plays on 5th grade team he is getting way more time and worked with more etc etc! Now I'm not a coach on that 5th grade team nor do I control who plays or what they do on that team! She went as far to say that I was paying more money than The sign up fee to get more playing time! Now this is not the first time over last couple years that we have heard people talking about our son and ball! Yes he is a good little player in our county LL system but that's all it is is a county LL ! Some of u have seen his shot and a lil workout I posted on here! I understand some kids develop sooner some later etc so now doesn't mean a lot for how they will end up as players ( wish others knew that) ! It's hurtful to hear ur child talked about for something they love !and work at! But what's more hurtful is when that child over heard this parent venting and afterwards when we left looked up at me and said dad why do people always hate on me over playing basketball! What did I do wrong! Now that's what hurt me is seeing him have to wonder such a question! I need some coaching guys! How do I explain this to him! What do I say to him! How do we handle this as parents ! He is only a child playing and a game

Author:  Coach Sar [ 24 Nov 2010, 17:01 ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with parents?

My heart goes out to your son because I can see that he works at his game. You have a 2 fold problem here... 1st is the parent and 2nd is your son.

As for the parent, you said that you explained that the coaches messed up regarding playing time and that you are going to address that issue in your next game..... make sure you get that done... IF need be, put one coach in charge of subbing everyone. Make sure that they get as close to equal time as possible..... as for your son playing up a level too.... you said you have no control over what happens on that team... (probably a good thing - that way you don't have to listen to the petty stuff) Blake is working hard and if he is good enough to play at the next level that should have nothing to do with the 4th grade team - bottom line. IF she approaches you again, just explain that the staff was wrong and you WILL correct it, we apologize and it wont happen again.... but PLEASE don't bash my son for his playing abilities, he works hard at the game and HE IS ONLY 10.

As for you, you are in a tough situation, you're not the head coach and you are coaching a team with your son on it. It's one of the pitfalls when you coach.... I had a few parents when I was coaching complain... but not very many..... let the parents have their say as long as they are respectful... and then explain your position... you need to back the head guy though.... some love to divide and conquer.

Blake, You have done nothing wrong, ACTUALLY, you have done a whole lot RIGHT! You are a nice player right now, probably better than most others? People get jealous sometimes - especially when it comes to their own kids. You just keep working on your game, go out and play hard and have FUN. I've had some fans say some pretty hateful things to some of my players.... but any good player knows its part of the game.... you are young and just learning this - so hang in there and be patient..... watching you shoot the ball, you could play for me anytime. I hope this helps you, if it doesn't - let us know and we will try to help you through this.

Author:  kelbickd [ 24 Nov 2010, 19:20 ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with parents?

Just another reason why youth leagues for kids this young are destructive. Your story is the rule not the exception.

84% of kids that play organized youth sports no longer play after they are 12 years old. A staggering staggering statistic

Author:  desmith7804 [ 25 Nov 2010, 11:00 ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with parents?

Thanks guys! Much appreciated ! Wow that us a staggering stat on kids NOT playing after 12! What can we do as parents, coaches , and leagues to change that percentage ! I love watching these kids develop and mature and grow into players! How can I personally treat the situation with my son to not be one of those numbers that quit or is there nothing u can do? I'm just blown away by 84% NOT playing! This is my first son coming up and I have a younger one so anything learned will help me!

Author:  kelbickd [ 25 Nov 2010, 11:32 ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with parents?

It is said that the path to destruction is paved with good intentions.

Just about everyone who gets involved with youth sports has good intentions. People want only the best for their kids. When a father gets on the sideline, he thinks he becomes Phil Jackson. But they don't have the knowledge or training that Phil Jackson has. Then again, I don't think that Phil Jackson would be very good with your son. The operative word in "Youth Sports" for too many people is 'Sport" where it should be "Youth."

Read some of the comments on this site, discussions of offenses and defenses for 8-year olds, discussions of discipline of other people children, etc. People expect more of kids on playing fields than they do in their own homes. How many 9-year olds remember to put their socks in the hamper? But, they are expect to remember both zone AND man-to-man offenses. When in the home, adults look at their kids as kids. Put them out on a basketball court (or soccer field or football field, etc) and they cease to be kids, they become players. The ideal they are held up to is what they see on TV.

Youth sports is not about sports, it is about child development, just as school is. However, most of the people (MOST NOT ALL!) who deal with your kids have had special training, not in the subject matter, but with how kids learn and how they develop. That is where they are expert, not in the subject matter.

Go out and have fun with your sons, teach them to grow at home, but them let them show you how much they've grown, out on the court. Let them lead you on the basketball court. Do what you think is right for kids, not basketball, and don't let other parents bother you. If they don't like your judgement they can either take their kids off your team or do it themselves. Let other parents yell at them for a while. You'll enjoy the break, but don't expect them to gain perspective though. We are all blind when is comes to our own kids.

I think that anyone who steps on a court or a field should get some specialized training in how to deal with children, especially those that are not their own. I don't mean get advanced degrees, just a little insight on how kids learn and think. Then, parents might realize that their child does not want to rehash the game and listen to their strengths and faults on the ride home. He probably doesn't even remember the game. He just wants to get some ice cream.

Everyone who coaches kids should be required to have some discussion with Bob Bigelow. Bob is a great man, a great friend and for my money the foremost expert in the world on youth sports. He was a great player as a kid, an All-America at Penn, a first round draft choice and played for the Celtics. He has some qualifications. Send him an email, I am sure he would love to hear from you and you'll gain some great insight.

It is not so hard to expect kids to be kids. Let them.

Author:  Coach Sar [ 25 Nov 2010, 11:34 ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with parents?

My opinion is to make sure that he has FUN ..... Don't burn him out, right now let him put the amount of time into the game that HE wants.

It all depends on his goals.... BUT I would encourage him to do other things.... to be a well rounded kid - and have some time for him to just be a kid and have fun doing whatever 10 year olds do right now. :-)

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