i wanted to ask the question of is it good or bad for a young 9 yr old to be so competitive . kid hates to lose at anything from sports to class work to racing to the car first with his siblings or even playing a playstation game . wants to be the best at everything he does, been that way from very very early on. He is not a sorry loser or anything like that towards others just very hard on him self. if its a loss in sports whether its bball or football he comes home wanting to practice or watch one of his many college and pro games he has taped on dvr to learn he says or if its school work comes home determine to get it right next time and keeps track of how many reading points he has compared to others in his class at school. is this behavior good or bad or un healthy. is it natural and you cant teach it is it compulsive or what ? i am not sure to encourage it or discourage it. any insight on handling kids this way is appreciated. i love the fact that he cares and wants to succeed in things he does and i have alwys told him never be afraid of success and also not to be afraid to fail either to just always do your best.

Wow - Talk about being competitive ... a real A type personality. You say he hates to lose but is NOT a sore loser - IF he doesn't exhibit bad behavior when he doesn't win, then he should be ok. You might try to do some activities that don't include competition... go to the zoo, a movie, a concert or something along those lines.
You might ask him how he feels after losing at something - not confrontational, just small talk? I would ask him IF he is having fun also... thats more important than winning at this age.

One year I had 6 All Accerated students on my team.... #1 & #2 kids in the class. (talk about feeling inadequate - good thing I knew the game better than they did LOL) They were under a lot of pressure to succeed. Had one kid that NEVER got any grade other than an A..... I asked him how he would react IF he got a B - he said that it would be ok as long as he gave it his best shot. I felt better about him then.

I would tell him that you are very proud of him, regardless of the results. Kids need to know that you will still love them even IF they aren't the best at something. I like the part about you saying to not worry, just do your best.

Coach: I always love Coach Sar's advice because it is always spot on I guess that comes from being mature and wise..lol. I am a sports psychologist and coach professional basketball in China and, if what your player is displaying, is not hurting him or your team or you then let him be him. we have a saying here in basketball, "if it aint broke, don't fix it" just enjoy the ride this kid will take you on......Coach Mac

"Mature" yes, wise, I'm not so sure! LOL I worked with Special Ed kids for 27 years at the high school level and almost all of my post grad work was in psychology.........I guess you can say that I am an AMATEUR
Psychologist or one in the making. :-)

Just make sure that you have some fun with him, some place thats not so competitve. IF he was my son I would make a list of all the things he likes to do that doesn't involve competition and then take him on some of those mini vacations even if its only for the day.

coach sar,

not real sure what a type A personality is. Is that good or bad or niether?

Desmith: You sound like a poppa that just wants to have a forum to show how proud you are of your son and that's wonderful. You seem to be doing all the right things so don't worry about your sons competitive nature. Now if his desire to over achieve is hurting others, then that may become a problem however, from what you describe, you just seem to have a son that many of us would welcome both in our families and on our teams. Once again, "if it aint broke, don't fix it. Good luck Coach Mac

coach mac,

i am proud of my son i am proud of all my children but thats not why i found this site and thats not why i posted anything. i had legit question and i appreciate the responses and if i came off like i was wanting praises i apolagize i only gave two examples cause i have no clue what a type A personality is or if its bad good or what , so i have edited my post cause i do not want people to think i want praises and am boasting . i teach my kids if you want something in life go earn it and that includes complement and praises let your actions speak and good things will follow, so i once again apolagize for coming across that way

We say Type A or Type B... Type personalities are laid back people.... your son is anything but laid back... does that give you an idea of what a Type A is now? Its not about being good or bad... its about who yolu are and how you function in life.... for example.... I don't know of too many coaches that are Type B people... right Mac?

No apology necessary, you should be proud of your son.

Yes coach most coaches are "A" typical personality types. And it was the furthest thing from my mind to suggest that you were anything other than a deeply proud father. With all the garbage that goes on in this world, its refreshing to see a man bursting with pride over the accomplishments of his son/daughter. Many fathers would envy your situation. If I gave you the wrong impression, please accept my apology. Coach Mac

yes guys thanks i now know what you mean by type A and B personalities. i actually googled it and done a little research.i have found that my children are 1 of them A and 1 one of them B and maybe 1 of them AB which is intersting. i love the site i love that you guys answer and look forward to posting more topics or questions and coach mac no apolagy needed sir i just didnt want to make a bad impression with my post