I have a girl who is athletic, and plays very hard BUT her parents during games are flat brutal to this little girl verbally. I have heard comments that make me angry as a coach and a parent. The parents tell the girl she is awful and if she can't play any better then that then they will remove her from the team! that she is getting worse instead of better, I have NEVER heard a positive comment from either dad or mom. My assistant coach said he witnessed the dad throwing the girls street shoe's at her after a game we lost. MY QUESTION IS WHERE'S THE LINE AS A COACH I DON'T CROSS OR HOW SHOULD I HANDLE THIS? I coach positive outlook on wins and losses alike ,we take the good from both a work on what we need to improve on which at 9 and 10 is everything! I as a parent or a coach can't stand this action toward a child. I look forward to your advise.

WOW!

Is there an administrator that is in charge of the league you are playing in:? If so, he needs to come up with a code of conduct for parents, coaches and players a like. ( adding coaches and players takes the pressure off of just singling out some people - although that might be a last resort. This should be a form that everyone has to sign and turn in... maybe leave them with a copy also.

As for throwing the shoes at her - you need to discuss this with the administrator, this is plain and simple abuse.
As an educator and we saw this, we would have to report it to DCFS.

You might just say something in passing like, "Can we please keep our comments positive"

You might have a meeting with all the parents on your team ( and players ) and talk about what IS and what IS NOT acceptable behavior at games & practices - towards the refs, the opposition and our team too. That way you should be able to cover all bases.

I wonder if Jeff and Joe have something on this site - guys???? Can you help here?

In my opinion this is a form of child abuse. Yes, there are varying degrees. But this hurting the child mentally and emotionally.

Maybe the parent has an anger problem? Maybe they just really want the best for their child and they don't know any better? I don't know. To an extent I can see how some parents can get to this point. Youth parents and coaches have bad role models. They see the great coaches like Bobby Knight throwing chairs and head butting players on espn highlights. They see yelling and real in your face stuff in college and the NBA. And the parents don't realize this might work for those coaches with adults, but they have a terrible effect on young impressionable children.

I think you should find a third party to help. This allows you maintain a relationship with the parents and the child, so you can be there for her. Once you burn that bridge, you can't be there for the player. You should teach as much as you can to your players about being positive, ethics, etc. You should compliment her and teach her by example how a positive coach handles things. The best thing you can do is be there. You can only control what you can control as a coach. You won't have as big of an impact as the parents, but you do have at least some impact, so you do what you can to make a positive impact.

For third parties, you can talk to administration like Coach Sar suggested. That is a good idea. Beyond that, in our state we would contact DHS (it's different in every state) for child abuse. But I'm not sure I would do that because that could make the situation worse. Maybe you can get the parent to attend a workshop or positive coaching clinic? Nobody wants counseling but if it's set up as way to improve players, they might go. You kind of have to go out things in a round about way to get them to listen to things like this.

When I had a youth coaching clinic this spring there were a few parents in attendance (they were there to pick up new drills to do with their kids, which they did get). But a couple of them sank down in their seat when they heard me talk about the negative impact yelling had. And I explained why the greatest players became great (they weren't afraid to make mistakes, confidence, etc). Long story shot, it was pretty eye opening. If you could get those parents to attend a clinic like that, it could really help. You never know.

Maybe you or the administration can get the all parents to attend a PCA (positive coaching workshop)? Maybe you or administration can send all the parents one or more of these documents?

http://www.breakthroughbasketball.com/cr/BasketballDevGuideforParents.pdf
http://www.breakthroughbasketball.com/cr/Powerpoint2011YouthCoachingClinic.pdf
http://www.bookwormblog.com/2006/10/bruce_brown_the.html
http://www.coach.ca/files/LTAD_forparents_EN_Final.pdf
http://www.amazon.com/Just-Let-Kids-Play-Ruining/dp/1558749276

Those are just some ideas. Let us know how we can help.

Those are great ideas Jeff....

The more I thought about this the more it bothered me..... IF they are behaving like this in front of OTHERS and treating her like this in front of others... I wonder what they are doing behind closed doors - this concerns me a lot.

In all my years of teaching and coaching I only had to report one person... the boy was being hit in the face with a slipper .. not something I wanted to do, but we have to protect the kids..... in our district, IF we didn't report abuse it could cost us our job... but job or not, the kids are our first responsibility.

Again, talk to the administrator and put the monkey on his back, find out what your rules and responsibilities are in situations like this. I think you would hate to find out later on that worse things were happening. JMO

Thanks guys that is why I brought it up for discussion, I am a volunteer and I started a travel program for our elementary girls and we play every place. I had a parent meeting at the start and explained the do's and don't's and expectations I thought about speaking personally to the parents and asking them keep things positive again, I just don't want them to take her off the team, I think the parents really don't think they are having a negative effect on the kid but everyone can see it. My daughter invited her over to stay and she acted like an animal that had been let out of a cage. I am concerned about her mental state more then physical I don't think that really is an issue but the constant mental beating is my concern. Thanks again, I will let you know what my results are.

Well, sorry guys got busy getting spring programs together and didn't follow up on this with you. I set the parents down and explained to them that the actions that were displayed were unacceptable and if I ever seen or heard anything of that nature taking place again not only would I be forced to not allow THEM to be in our gym during games but I would be reporting them to the local authorities. I was surprised when I was told that they just want there daughter to listen and do well. I responded listen to who? I am the coach and I have no problem with her listening.. We have played several games since and it has stopped, I also follow up with the child on a regular basis, asking questions about how she thought she played ,just to see her response-- I teach positive and attempt to get all the girls to see there growth in the game win or lose- so if I get negative I know that has been planted there-- I have seen a big difference in her play on the court and her focus. TOUGH BEING A VOLUNTEER!

Glad to hear that things are going well ( or at least better ) IF this becomes an issue again... go to talk to the teachers or an administrator at her school and see IF this is happening there. He sure sounds like an overzealous parent at the least.
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Good luck