I am coaching my son for a 4th grade team. He is an outstanding player at everything he does. he has a Type A personality. Every game we can be winning by 20 or so points and he can have 20 points himself and if the ref calls a foul on him or doesn't call a foul when he gets fouled he loses his cool and begins to get mad and frustrated. He doesn't think he is capable of making any mistakes. Once he goes into this fury he is done for he gets very aggressive and there is no talking him down. I take him out and bench him and next time it is the same thing. He is about the best 9 year old I've seen play basketball. He can do what most 11-12 year olds can't. We have grounded him from different things. We have talked with others and nothing seems to work. He is a perfectionist and has trouble taking responsibility for his own mistakes. I need help.Thanks.

Chris,
I think the first thing you need to look at is WHY he acts this way... does he think he has to be perfect in your eyes or someone elses? Does he feel that he cant make a mistake or someone will be upset with him? It has to be the way he views things for whatever reason. The more extreme his view about the way he SHOULD PLAY triggers his reaction on the floor. (maybe off?) Does he act this way in everything he does?

You should sit down with him AWAY from the game and ask him how he feels about the way he plays the game.... and then how he acts at times.
From what you say its pretty obvious that he thinks he should be perfect and gets frustrated when he isn't.
Sit with him and watch some different sporting events and talk about the good and bad things that are happening... high school sports might be better for him since some of the Pros are obnoxious.... most baseball players are even keeled guys at the pro level.... Dereck Jeter and guys like him. Ask him who his favorite player is and see how that person acts. Do they go off when they make a mistake or the ump/ref makes a bad call?
Sports are made up of mistakes... guys are making Millions batting .300, that means they fail 70% of the time.
Sitting him down is a good start, tell him when he is under control he can go back in... he should get the idea soon enough. I'm not sure that I would take things away from him outside the game of basketball... keep the punishment befitting the crime.
Ken

Chris, I hope you're not feeding him that he is the "best 9 year old." There are always going to be better players. He should know that he needs to work hard and improve each day.

Do you have an assistant? Is it possible that he is acting this way because Dad is the coach? Maybe have an assistant work with him -- dole out any discipline, etc.

Have him focus on what he can control. He can't control the ref's calls. Thus, there is no reason to get upset at them. His getting frustrated affects his ability to play the game. And winds up getting him benched and/or grounded. In the end, he only hurts himself and his team. Good luck.

Chris,

I have two thoughts on this.

1) Have your games ever been taped? Let him watch one of his outbursts and see if he likes what he sees.

2) This one is more extremely, but if this happens every game--what about talking to the refs ahead of time and ask them to warn him for the first outburst and give him a technical if it persists.